The Simpsons

Homer Simpson Quotes (Page 139)

Homer: D'oh, Marge, sitting next to the boss! The best night of the year and it's ruined!
Marge: All this means is you can't wave your fanny around in public.
Homer: Oh, yeah, rub it in!
 • Rating: Unrated

Man: Get on the bus, Dancin' Homer!
Homer: Will you shut up, I'm trying to think of a name!
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: I have to convince my supervisor to give me a leave of absence.
Supervisor: Sure! How long would you like, four years? Five years!
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: As my son would say, I'm one sad ape-like dude.
 • Rating: Unrated

(With Homer in his car, Mr. Burns suddenly decides to run for governor.)
Homer: Where are we going, sir?
Mr. Burns: To create a new and better world!
Homer: If it's on the way, could you drop me off at my house?
 • Rating: Unrated

(In a publicity stunt, Mr. Burns is a dinner guest at the Simpson home.)
Homer: Bart, would you like to say grace?
Bart: Dear God, we paid for all this stuff ourselves, so thanks for nothing.
(Everyone gasps.)
Mr. Burns: (Chuckles) Only an innocent child could get away with such blasphemy. God bless them all. Amen.
(Everyone sighs.)
 • Rating: Unrated

(Marge reads a newspaper headline about Mary Bailey calling for an investigation at the nuclear power plant.)
Marge: Well, leave it to good ol' Mary Bailey to finally step in and do something about that hideous genetic mutation.
Homer: (Scoffs) Mary Bailey. Well, If I was governor, I'd sure find better things to do with my time.
Marge: Like what?
Homer: Like getting Washington's birthday and Lincoln's birthday back to separate paid holidays. President's Day. (Blows raspberry.) What a rip-off. I bust my butt day in and day out--
Marge: You're late for work, Homer.
Homer: So? Somebody'll punch in for me.
 • Rating: Unrated

(After realizing he is going to lose the election, Mr. Burns starts smashing things in the Simpson home)
Mr. Burns: Smithers, tip over this table for me!
Smithers: Yes, sir.
(Smithers grunts as he turns over the table.)
Marge: Homer. Homer. Make them stop.
Homer: (Clears throat) Uh, Mr. Burns. Um, Mr. Burns?
Mr. Burns: Shut up and wreck something!
(Homer picks up a flower vase and drops it.)
Lisa: Mr. Burns, I hardly see what destroying our meager possessions is going to accomplish.
Mr. Burns: She's right. Take me home, Smithers. We'll destroy something tasteful.
 • Rating: Unrated

(In bed, Homer worries about what Mr. Burns said about making sure his dreams will go unfulfilled.)
Homer: Oh, my dreams will go unfulfilled? Oh, no. I don't like the sound of that one bit. That means I have nothing to hope for. Marge, make it better, please. Can't you make it better, huh?
Marge: Homer, when a man's biggest dreams include seconds on dessert, occasional snuggling and sleeping till noon on weekends, no one man can destroy them.
Homer: Hey, you did it!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

(Homer comments on the newspaper headline about Mr. Burns running for Governor.)
Homer: Well, he's got my vote.
Marge: Homer, we're a Mary Bailey family.
Homer: Mary Bailey isn't going to fire me if I don't vote for her. I'm for Monty Burns!
Lisa: Ooh, a political discussion at our table! I feel like a Kennedy.
 • Rating: Unrated

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