The Simpsons

Homer Simpson Quotes (Page 140)

(Homer arrives at work and realizes that all the icing-covered doughnuts are gone)
Homer: (picking up a plain cake doughnut) Aww, plain cake doughnuts. (louder) Thanks for taking all the fancies guys! (to self) Why can't I ever get here on time?
 • Rating: Unrated

(Homer leaves for work)
Lisa: Don't spill anything!
Bart: Keep those mutants coming, Homer!
Homer: I'll mutant you.
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: (about Blinky) Oh, Marge, what's the big deal? I bet before the papers blew this out of proportion, you didn't even know how many eyes a fish had.
 • Rating: Unrated

(Kang and Kodos show off the amenities on their spaceship.)
Kang: And over here is our crowning achievement in amusement technology: an electronic version of what you call table tennis.
(Kang shows off a video screen that features the vintage video game Pong.)
Kang: Your primitive paddles have been replaced by an electronic--
Bart: Hey, that's just Pong. Get with the times, man.
Homer: Marge and I played that old game before we were married.
Kang: Well, we did build this spaceship, you know.
Kodos: Anyone from a species that has mastered intergalactic travel, raise your hand.
(Kang and Kodos each raise a tentacle. Bart raises his hand, but Homer slaps it down.)
Kodos: All right, then.
Marge: Sorry. Your game is very nice.
 • Rating: Unrated

(In "Bad Dream House" Homer calls up his realtor after he finds out the house was built on an Indian burial ground.)
Homer: Mr. Ploot, Homer Simpson here. When you sold me this house, you forgot to mention one little thing. You didn't tell me it was built on an Indian burial ground! (Pause) No, you didn't! (Pause) Well, that's not my recollection! (Pause) Yeah? Well, all right, goodbye!
(Homer hangs up the phone and turns to his family.)
Homer: He says he mentioned it five or six times.
 • Rating: Unrated

(A scene from "The Raven.")
Homer: (Chuckles) Though thy crest by shorn and shaven, thou--
Narrator: I said.
Homer: --art sure no craven, ghastly, grim and ancient Raven wandering from the nightly shore--Tell me. Tell me what thy lordly name is on the night's Plutonian shore!
Narrator: Quoth the Raven.
Bart: (Interrupting) Eat my shorts!
Lisa: Bart, stop it! He says "nevermore." And that's all he'll ever say.
Bart: Okay, okay.
 • Rating: Unrated

(In "Bad Dream House," the man from the moving company finishes unloading the Simpsons' things.)
Moving Man: That's all of it. Sign here!
(Homer signs a paper on a clipboard.)
Homer: There you are my man. And a dollar for yourself.
Moving Man: (Muttering to himself.) A buck. I'm glad there's a curse on this place.
Homer: Huh?
 • Rating: Unrated

(Homer throws an orange into a vortex and it disappears.)
Homer: Hey, pretty slick!
(A crumpled wad of paper flies back out of the vortex and Lisa reads it.)
Lisa: "Quit throwing your garbage into our dimension."
 • Rating: Unrated

(Homer convinces the family to stay in the "Bad Dream House.")
Homer: Now, wait a minute, Marge. It's only natural there'd be some things wrong with an old house like this. It's a fixer-upper. What's the problem? We get a bunch of priests in here--
Marge: I'm not going to live in a house of evil just to save a few dollars.
Homer: Don't be so stubborn! We're not talking about a few dollars.
(Homer slowly begins floating to the ceiling.)
Homer: We're talking about a few thousand dollars!
(Homer realizes that he is floating upwards and begins screaming.)
Homer: It's got great high ceilings!
(Homer screams as he suddenly plunges back to the floor.)
Homer: Tell you what. Let's, uh, sleep on it, okay?
 • Rating: Unrated

(Homer barbeques on the back patio.)
Marge: (Groans) Homer, all these flies.
Homer: Not to worry. I'll just turn on the trusty bug zapper.
(The sound of a few bugs being zapped is then followed by a large zapping noise.)
Homer: Ooh, that was a big mama! (Chuckles)
 • Rating: Unrated

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