The Simpsons

Homer Simpson Quotes (Page 141)

(The Simpson family watches a game show called Grade School Challenge on TV)
Game Show Host: Okay, the capital of North Dakota is named after what German ruler?
Homer: Hitler!
Marge: (Questioning Homer) Hitler, North Dakota?
Patty and Selma: (In unison) Bismarck.
Girl Contestant: Bismarck!
Bart: (To Homer) Hitler?
Homer: Hey, I'm still beating you, boy.
Game Show Host: Okay, the colors of the Italian flag are red, white, and what?
Bart: Blue!
Homer: Yellow!
Bart: Orange!
Selma: Green.
Bart: Red!
Patty: Green.
Bart: Purple!
Homer: Red! White! Black! Green!
Girl Contestant: Green.
Homer: I was right! (Claps)
 • Rating: Unrated

Lenny: Homer, don't be a sap all of your life. Just fill out a few medical insurance forms creatively. Charge that Dimoxinil stuff to the company.
Homer: But it's a thousand bucks. Burns would can my butt in no time flat.
Lenny: (Sarcastically) Ooh! A thousand bucks. So what? To Mr. Burns, that's one less ivory back scratcher.
 • Rating: Unrated

(Homer, Lenny and Carl eat lunch at the power plant)
Homer: D'oh! Outta tartar sauce. They call this a portion? Hey, Lenny, are you gonna use all of your tartar sauce?
(Lenny slides his lunch tray away from Homer)
Homer: Dry fish sticks. This sucks.
Carl: Quit complaining, chrome dome.
Homer: D'oh! If I had hair, you wouldn't be calling me that!
 • Rating: Unrated

(Homer runs through the town rejoicing about his new hair.)
Homer: Good morning, Moe's Tavern!
Barney: Hey! It's the president!
 • Rating: Unrated

(After losing his hair again, Homer struggles through a presentation in front of the power plant executives.)
Homer: Uh, the long-term benefits more than offsetting the one-time cost for a net savings of f-five thousand, two, uh, hundred an--(Stammers) Oh, lots of money.
 • Rating: Unrated

(In a parent teacher conference, school psychiatrist suggests that Bart be held back in the 4th grade.)
Bart: (Panicked) You can't hold me back. I swear I'm gonna do better. Look at my eyes. See the sincerity? See the conviction? See the fear? As God is my witness, I can pass the fourth grade!
Homer: And if you don't, at least you'll be bigger than the other kids.
 • Rating: Unrated

(Homer listens to school psychiatrist, Dr. Pryor's, opinions about Bart's struggles in school.)
Dr. Pryor: One of his problems may be his short attention span which can lead to blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Homer: Uh-huh.
Dr Pryor: Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Homer: Mmm.
 • Rating: Unrated

(Homer pelts Mr. Burns with a snowball.)
Homer: (Chuckles) Gotcha Burnsie!
Mr. Burns: (Chuckles) Why, you young ragamuffin, I was never one to back away from a snowball fight. Smithers, you may fire at will.
Smithers: Certainly, sir!
 • Rating: Unrated

(The Simpson family gathers around, as Homer places Bart's passed test on the fridge.)
Homer: We're proud of you, boy.
Bart: Thanks, Dad. But part of this D-minus belongs to God.
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: My wife's gonna leave me 'cause she thinks I'm a pig.
Moe: Homer.
Homer: What?
Moe: Marge is right. You are a pig. You can ask anyone in this bar!
Homer: (Shocked) What? Hey, Barney, am I a pig?
Barney: You're even more of a pig than I am. (Belches)
Homer: Oh, no!
Moe: See? You're a pig. Barney's a pig, Larry's a pig. We're all pigs!
 • Rating: Unrated

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