The Simpsons

Homer Simpson Quotes (Page 142)

Homer: They all look so tasty, but I think I'll eat this one right there!
(Homer points at a lobster.)
Waiter: Why don't you pick one that's a little more frisky, sir.
Homer: Why?
Waiter: Well, when you choose one that's floating upside down, it somewhat defeats the purpose of selecting a live lobster.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Monroe: Okay, let's see. Next we have Marge. She's 34 and trapped in a loveless sham of a marriage.
Homer: Hey, turn it up! I love hearing those wackos.
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: Lord, help me. I'm just not that bright.
Marge: Oh, Homer, don't say that. The way I see it, if you raise three children who can knock out and hogtie a perfect stranger, you must be doing something right.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Bart: But, dad, you're giving in to mob mentality.
Homer: No, I'm not! I'm hopping on the bandwagon. Now, come on, son. Get with the winning team.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Scott Christian: Why did the clown cross the road? To rob a Kwik-E-Mart. The news story behind that enigmatic half-joke right after this commercial message.
Homer: Wait a minute. Bart, you know that guy on your lunchbox?
Bart: Oh, you mean, Krusty the Clown?
Homer: He's sort of a hero of yours, isn't he?
Bart: Are you kidding? He's my idol! I've based my life on Krusty's teachings.
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: Krusty, I'm man enough to admit I was wrong, and I'm sorry I fingered you in court. I sincerely hope that the horrible stories I heard about what goes on in prison are exaggerated
 • Rating: Unrated

Principal Skinner: Mr. and Mrs. Simpson, we have transcended incorrigible. I don't think suspension or expulsion will do the trick. I think it behooves us all to consider...deportation.
Marge: Deportation? You mean kick Bart out of the country?
Homer: Eh, hear him out, Marge.
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: I'm gonna miss you, son. And listen, while you're seeing all those great sights, always remember that you're representing your country. I guess what I'm saying is, don't mess up France the way you messed up your room.
 • Rating: Unrated

(The Simpson family waits for Adil's arrival at the airport.)
Lisa: You know, in Albania, the unit of currency is called the lek.
Homer: (Chuckles). You gotta be kiddin'. (Chuckles) The lek.
Lisa: And the national flag is a two-headed eagle on a red field.
Homer: Give me the ol' stars and stripes.
Lisa: And the main export is furious political thought.
Homer: Political what?
 • Rating: Unrated

Marge: Homer, I'd love a glass of that wine Bart brought us.
(Homer struggles with the wine bottle.)
Homer: Sorry, Marge. Some wise guy stuck a cork in the bottle.
Bart: (Speaking French) My father. What a buffoon.
Homer: You hear that, Marge? My boy speaks French!
 • Rating: Unrated

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