The Simpsons

Homer Simpson Quotes (Page 143)

(Principal Skinner pays a visit to the Simpson home.)
Marge: Homer, Principal Skinner is here.
Homer: Oh, hello, Principal Skinner. I'd get up, but the boy crippled me.
Skinner: Mm-hmm. I understand completely.
 • Rating: Unrated

(Principal Skinner tries to convince Marge and Homer to place Bart in the student exchange program.)
Principal Skinner: Actually, he'd be staying in France, in a lovely chateau in the heart of the wine country.
Marge: But Bart doesn't speak French.
Principal Skinner: Oh, when he's fully immersed in a foreign language, the average child can become fluent in weeks!
Homer: Yeah, but what about Bart?
Principal Skinner: I'm sure he'll pick up enough to get by.
 • Rating: Unrated

Adil: How can you defend a country where 5 percent of the people control 95 percent of the wealth?
Lisa: I'm defending a country where people can think, and act, and worship any way they want!
Adil: Can not.
Lisa: Can too.
Adil: Can not!
Lisa: Can too!
Homer: Please, please kids! Stop fighting. Maybe Lisa's right about America being the land of opportunity, and maybe Adil has a point about the machinery of capitalism being oiled with the blood of the workers.
 • Rating: Unrated

(Adil clears the dishes after dinner.)
Homer: Did you see that? You know, Marge, this the way I've always wanted it to be. We've become a fully functioning family unit. We've always blamed ourselves, but I guess it's pretty clear which cylinder wasn't firing.
Marge: Homer!
Lisa: Your paper-thin commitment to your children sends shivers down my spine! May I be excused?
(Lisa gets up and leaves.)
Marge: Lisa!
Homer: Oh, she's just jealous. She'll get over it. And if she doesn't, we can always exchange her. (Laughs)
Marge: Homer!
Homer: Just kidding!
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: Oh, no! 239 Pounds? I'm a whale! Why was I cursed with this weakness for snack treats? Well, from now on, exercise every morning Homer.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Homer: 239 Pounds! Oh, I'm a blimp. Why are all the good things so tasty? From now on, exercise every morning!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Homer: I have something to say to all the sons out there. To all the boys, to all the men, to all of us. It's about women, and how they are not mere objects with curves that make us crazy. No, they are our wives, they are our daughters, our sisters, our grandmas, our aunts, our nieces and nephews. Well, not our nephews. They are our mothers. And you know somethin', folks? As ridiculous as this sounds, I would rather feel the sweet breath of my beautiful wife on the back of my neck as I sleep, than stuff dollar bills into some stranger's G-string. Am I wrong? Or am I right?
 • Rating: Unrated

Barney: If you get hungry in the middle of the night, there's an open beer in the fridge.
(Homer gazes out of Barney's window.)
Homer: Look, Barney. See the row of tiny lights up there? The middle one is my house. Someone must have left the porch light on.
Barney: Hey, that's rough, pal. (Dials phone) Hello, Marge. You left your damn porch light on!
Homer: Barney!
Barney: Homer's not made of money, you know!
Marge: Who is this?
(Homer takes the phone away from Barney.)
Homer: Don't listen to him, Marge. He's--
Marge: Oh, it's you. Hmph. (Hangs up phone.)
Homer: Oh
 • Rating: Unrated

Marge: Homer, you don't even know why you're apologizing.
Homer: Yes, I do. Because I'm hungry, my clothes are smelly, and I'm tired.
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: By the way, this Friday night I'm gonna be attending a little get together with the boys at work. Eugene Fisk is marrying some girl in Valve Maintenance.
Marge: Homer, is this some kind of stag party?
Homer: No, no, Marge. It's gonna be very classy. A tea-and-crumpets kind of thing.
Marge: Hmm. Eugene Fisk. Isn't he your assistant?
Homer: No! (Mumbles) My supervisor.
Marge: Didn't he used to be your assistant?
Homer: Hey! What is this, the Spanish Exposition?
Marge: Sorry, Homer.
 • Rating: Unrated

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