Homer Simpson Quotes
Barney: Hey Homer! You're late for English!
Homer: Pff! English, who needs that? I'm never going to England! Come on. Let's go smoke.
- Permalink: Hey Homer! You're late for English! Pff! English, who needs th...
Teacher: Simpson! Be quiet!
Homer: I haven't seen you in school before...
Teacher: Okay Simpson! You just brought yourself another day of detention!
Homer: Maybe we should get together some time
Teacher: Two days!
Marge: I'm sorry, I don't even know your name!
Homer: I'm Homer
Teacher: Three days!
Teacher: Four days!
Teacher: Five days!
Homer: It was worth it!
Teacher: Six days... Okay Simpson, to the back of the room!
- Permalink: Simpson! Be quiet! I haven't seen you in school before... Ok...
(Homer and Marge find out that they are pregnant)
Dr. Hibbert: Well, uh, Miss Bouvier, uh, I think we've found the reason you've been throwing up in the morning. (Reaches to shake Homer's hand.) Congratulations.
- Permalink: <i>(Homer and Marge find out that they are pregnant)</i> Well,...
Young Barney: Boy, you never stop eating and you don't gain a pound.
Young Homer: It's my metaba-ma-lism. I guess I'm just one of the lucky ones.
- Permalink: Boy, you never stop eating and you don't gain a pound. It's my...
Guidance Counselor: Do you have any plans for after graduation?
Young Homer: Me? I'm gonna drink a lot of beer and stay out all night!
- Permalink: Do you have any plans for after graduation? Me? I'm gonna drin...
You tutor? And anyone can be tooted?
- Permalink: You tutor? And anyone can be tooted?
Dr. Hibbert: Um, your wife agreed that I should break this to you.
Homer: No need, Doc. I can read Marge like a book. (Looks at Marge, who is very glum.)
Homer: Ooh, it's good news, isn't it?
- Permalink: Um, your wife agreed that I should break this to you. No need,...
Ahem. This is a videotape for my daughter Maggie. Hi, Maggie! I'm speaking to you from beyond the grave. Woooooooo! Hee hee hee, hope that didn't scare you. Well, Maggie, you're grown-up now, and unless you taped over this, you're probably wondering what kind of man your father was. He was a simple man, a kind man, a gentle man who loved his children and- (Phone rings) D'oh! Hello! Yeah, he's here, who is this? (Scratches butt) Bart's friend Milhouse? Bart! Get your butt down here!
- Permalink: Ahem. This is a videotape for my daughter Maggie. Hi, Maggie! I'...
Dr. Hibbert: Now, a little death anxiety is normal. You can expect to go through five stages. The first is denial.
Homer: No way! Because I'm not dying!
Dr. Hibbert: The second is anger.
Homer: Why you little!
Dr. Hibbert: After that comes fear.
Homer: What's after fear? What's after fear?
Dr. Hibbert: Bargaining.
Homer: Doc, you gotta get me out of this! I'll make it worth your while!
Dr. Hibbert: Finally, acceptance.
Homer: Well, we all gotta go sometime.
Dr. Hibbert: Mr. Simpson, your progress astounds me.
- Permalink: Now, a little death anxiety is normal. You can expect to go thro...