The Simpsons

Homer Simpson Quotes (Page 147)

Homer: You know, Moe, my mom once said something that really stuck with me. She said, "Homer, you're a big disappointment," and god bless her soul, she was really onto something.
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: You know, I defy anyone to tell the difference between these doughnuts and the ones baked today. Hey, my boy's supposed to be here any second on a field trip. They been through here yet?
Co-worker: Come on, Simpson. If they wanted the kids to see you sitting around on your butt and stuffin' your face, they'd take them on a tour of your house.
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: Kill myself? Killing myself is the last thing I'd ever do. Now I have a purpose, a reason to live. I don't care who I have to face. I don't care who I have to fight. I will not rest until this street gets a stop sign!
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: Ladies and gentlemen, esteemed councilmen, boys and girls, retired people with nothing better to do. Danger comes in many, many forms, from the dinosaurs that tormented our cavemen ancestors, to the--
Councilman: Simpson, get to the point!
Homer: I think we should put a stop sign at "D" street and 12th. The other--
Councilman: All in favor?
Councilmen: Aye.
Councilman: Approved. Meeting adjourned. Coffee and maple logs in the lobby.
Homer: Wow. They listened to me.
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: Beer. Now there's a temporary solution.
 • Rating: Unrated

(Mr. Burns offers Homer the new job of safety inspector)
Mr. Burns: The generous offer I'm making is good for exactly...30 seconds, Simpson.
Homer's Brain: Me, in charge of safety? This place could blow sky high. Nah. I'll concentrate on my work now. Gee, this guy's desk sure is big. I can't let Marge support the family. This guy's got the cleanest shirt I've ever seen. What should I--.
Mr. Burns: Simpson, time's up.
Homer: Mmm, what the hey. I'll take the job.
Mr. Burns: Excellent.
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: Doc, this is all too much. I mean, my son a genius? How does it happen?
Dr. Pryor: Well, genius-level intelligence is usually the result of heredity and environment.
(Homer looks confused.)
Dr. Pryor: Although, in some cases, it's a total mystery.
 • Rating: Unrated

Marge: Bart, I feel so bad for going so many years without, mmm, hmm--What's that word where you encourage something to grow?
Bart and Homer: (Both mumble "I don't know," in unison.)
Lisa: Nurturing.
Marge: Nurturing your brilliant brain, so I got tickets to the opera tonight. Hurry up. Get dressed. It starts at 8:00.
Bart: Oh, Mom. Not tonight!
Homer: Come on, Bart, your mother's only trying to help, so go ahead and enjoy the show.
Marge: Homer, you're going too.
Homer: But I'm not a genius. Why should I suffer?
 • Rating: Unrated

(At the breakfast table.)
Marge: Bart, this is a big day for you. Why don't you eat something a little more nutritious?
Homer: Nonsense, Marge. Frosted Krusty Flakes are what got him where he is today.
(Homer reads the cereal box.)
Homer: It could be one of these chemicals here that makes him so smart. Lisa, maybe you should try some of this.
Marge: Homer!
Homer: I'm just saying why not have two geniuses in the family? Sort of a spare in case Bart's brain blows up.
(Homer and Marge walk out of the kitchen.)
Lisa: I don't care what that stupid test says, Bart. You're a dimwit.
Bart: Maybe so, but from now on this dimwit is on easy street.
 • Rating: Unrated

(Homer encourages Bart, after he comes home from "gifted" school covered in green.)
Homer: Don't be discouraged, son. I bet Einstein turned himself all sorts of colors before he invented the light bulb.
 • Rating: Unrated

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