Homer Simpson Quotes
Marge: Tomorrow night, it might be nice to go out for dinner.
Homer: Tomorrow night? Friday? Pork chop night? Marge! We haven't missed pork chop night since the great pig scare in '87!
- Permalink: Tomorrow night, it might be nice to go out for dinner. Tomorro...
Homer: Okay, okay, where do want to go?
Lisa: Anywhere but hamburgers, pizza, or fried chicken!
Homer: Fine! We'll go to Mars!
- Permalink: Okay, okay, where do want to go? Anywhere but hamburgers, piz...
(Homer and Barney drive by Mr. Burns, who is sitting on a park bench.)
Homer: Hey, Burns, eat my shorts! (They drive off)
Mr. Burns: Who the Sam Hill was that?
Smithers: (Looking through binoculars.) Why, it's Homer Simpson, sir. One of the schmoes from Sector 7G.
Mr. Burns: Simpson, eh? I want him in my office at nine o'clock Monday morning. We'll see who eats whose shorts.
- Permalink: (<i>Homer and Barney drive by Mr. Burns, who is sitting on a par...
Homer: I just want you to know that I love you, Dad.
Grampa: You do?
Grampa: Oh, son, I love you too. Hey, how about a hug?
(Homer and Abe hug)
Grampa: Sonny boy!
Homer: My old man.
(Homer crosses "Make peace with Dad" on his list.)
- Permalink: I just want you to know that I love you, Dad. You do? Uh-huh...
Lenny: Hey, Simpson, I heard Mr. Burns crushed your boy!
Homer: Yeah, if I wasn't so spineless, I'd march right into his office right now, and...
Smithers: Simpson! Mr. Burns wants you to march into his office right now
- Permalink: Hey, Simpson, I heard Mr. Burns crushed your boy! Yeah, if I w...
Dr. Nick: Bad news. Your son is a very sick boy. Just look at the X-rays. See that dark spot there? Whiplash.
Homer: Whiplash? Oh no!
Dr. Nick: And this smudge here that looks like my fingerprint? No, that's trauma.
Bart: Am I going to die?
Homer: (Sobbing) Yes! You're going to die!
- Permalink: Bad news. Your son is a very sick boy. Just look at the X-rays. ...
Lionel Hutz: Hutz is the name, Mr. Simpson. Lionel Hutz, attorney at law. Here's my card. It turns into a sponge when you put it in water.
Homer: Ooh, classy.
- Permalink: Hutz is the name, Mr. Simpson. Lionel Hutz, attorney at law. Her...
Bart: I did go away, mom, I was miles and miles and miles away. Dying in agony in the pits of hell. And you were there! And you, and you, and you... and you I've never seen before!
Homer: (to Lionel Hutz) Yeah who are you anyway? I saw you chasing Bart's ambulance.
- Permalink: I did go away, mom, I was miles and miles and miles away. Dying ...
Marge: I'm sorry, but my mother said, if you can't say anything nice about someone, you shouldn't say anything at all.
Homer: Will that hold up in court?
Lionel Hutz: No, I've tried it before.
- Permalink: I'm sorry, but my mother said, if you can't say anything nice ab...