The Simpsons

Homer Simpson Quotes (Page 148)

Dr. Pryor: The child is not supposed to know his own IQ, of course, but, uh, you can see it's beyond the range of any doubt.
(Dr. Pryor hands Homer a slip of paper with Bart's IQ on it.)
Homer: Nine hundred and twelve!
Dr. Pryor: Uh, no. You have it upside-down. It's two hundred and sixteen.
 • Rating: Unrated

(Homer drops Bart off at his new school.)
Homer: Now go on, boy, and pay attention. Because if you do, one day you may achieve something that we Simpsons have dreamed about for generations. You may outsmart someone.
 • Rating: Unrated

(Homer brings home Santa's Little Helper.)
Marge: Oh, this is the best gift of all, Homer!
Homer: It is?
Marge: Yes. Something to share our love and frighten prowlers.
Lisa: What's his name?
Homer: Number 8--Uh, I mean Santa's Little Helper.
 • Rating: Unrated

Barney: I got me a part time job working as a Santa down at the mall.
Homer: Wow, can I do that?
Barney: I dunno, they're pretty selective. (Barney belches loudly)
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Bart: Ah, come on, Dad. This can be the miracle that saves the Simpsons' Christmas. If TV has taught me anything, it's that miracles always happen to poor kids at Christmas. It happened to Tiny Tim, it happened to Charlie Brown, it happened to the Smurfs, and it's gonna happen to us!
Homer: Well, okay, let's go. Who's Tiny Tim?
 • Rating: Unrated

Little Girl: I hope you feel better, Santa.
Homer: Oh, I will when Mrs. Claus' sisters get outta town. Thanks for listenin', kid.
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(At Santa training class, Homer tries to recall all the names of Santa's reindeer.)
Homer: Um, Dasher. Dancer.
Instructor: Mm-hmm.
Homer: Prancer.
Instructor: Mm-hmm.
Homer: Nixon. Comet...Cupid. Donna Dixon?
Instructor: Sit down, Simpson.
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: Bart, did you hear that? What a name! "Santa's Little Helper." It's a sign. It's an omen.
Bart: It's a coincidence, dad.
 • Rating: Unrated

Principal Skinner: The fifth grade will now favor us with a scene from Charles Dickens' Christmas Carol.
Homer: How many grades does this school have!?
 • Rating: Unrated

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