The Simpsons

Sundays 8:00 PM on FOX
The simpsons
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Hello boat store, I'd like to order a boat. What do you mean dial tone?

Masseuses - half doctors, half hookers that solve everything.

First I work? Then I pay? Then I have to eat fruit? Why was I ever born?

Homer: The therapy was too effective.
Dr. Zander: Ah, yes. One of the most common complaints about therapy.

That's ridiculous. How could two people from the same family need therapy?

I can't quit drinking anymore than I can quit being a man. [takes a drink] Now it feels like a morning.

Dr. Zander: After two more weeks of sessions...
Homer: I lied about having health insurance.
Dr. Zander: You're cured.

Dr. Zander, you made me see my life through Bart's neck.

Strangling, it's not the only tool in my parenting toolbox, but it's my sharpest.

Marge: Just cause everyone else is doing the wave doesn't mean you have to.
Homer: No one else is doing it. I'm trying to start it.

Well, it was your idea to give him self-esteem to begin with!

I hope you kids are enjoying this [stadium] because you and your children will be paying for this long after the team leaves the city.

Displaying quotes 169 - 180 of 1534 in total

The Simpsons Quotes

Wow, now I see why they call you Miss Hoover. You must have been vacuuming for an hour.

Bart

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!