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The-simpsons

(In "Married to the Blob," Dr. Phil and Homer's family try to intervene during an eating rampage.)
Dr. Phil: Homer, your family's here. And you've gotta help me help them help you help me help you.
Homer: Marge, I missed you. All this eating has put me in the mood for a little lovin' (Purrs sexily)
Marge: I have to be honest with you: I can't love a 4,000 ton cannibal.
Homer: What happened to "for better or for worse?!"
Bart: Dad, you're eating Dr. Phil.
Homer: (Licks fingers) It's amazing. He tastes just like Jeffery Tambor.
(Dr. Phil can be seen grunting and struggling inside Homer's stomach.)
Dr. Phil: Food does not equal love!
(Dr. Phil perishes inside Homer's stomach.)

Radio: Astronomers say the ominous capsules originated from Earth's closest neighbor.
Homer: Flanders?
Radio: Mars!

(In "Married to the Blob," Dr. Phil confronts Homer during one of his eating rampages.)
Dr. Phil: You've got a weight problem, and you know it!
Homer: You're right. Starting tomorrow, no bread before dinner.
Dr. Phil: Homer, don't sell me an outhouse and tell me it's a Taj Mahal!
Chief Wiggum: Yeah, Homer, stop doing that!

Radio: We interrupt this dance music from Lamourian Roman Capital City's Fabulous Hotel Hitler to bring you a special bulletin.
Homer: Hey, I'm not done dancing! This bulletin better swing!

Marge: Homer, your butt just gave me an idea.
Homer: Yep, it'll do that.

(At the Springfield Mall, Homer finishes eating his tube of gummy worms.)
Marge: Well, if you're through, let's check out that discount book warehouse.
Homer: (Whining) We already own a book!

(A depressed Homer watches as his scaled down model of "The Zoominator" roller coaster crumbles and burns.)
Lisa: Dad, here's a thought. If you just gave Mom credit, maybe she could help you.
Homer: Sweetie, you don't understand. If I can do this myself, then all those lies I told will be true. Don't you want Daddy's lies to be true?
Lisa: I'd like a daddy who lived in the real world!
Homer: To Daddy, the real world gets fainter and fainter every day.

(Marge hides as Kent Brockman inspects the gazebo she built.)
Kent Brockman: Mm-mmm! Simpson, you're a master craftsman.
Homer: Listen, what would you say if I told you a woman did most of the work?
Kent Brockman: I'd have this gazebo torn down and built into a coffin...for your manhood.
Homer: (Shrieks)
Kent Brockman: Why did my hypothetical scenario scare you so?
Homer: Uh, like all manly men, I have a vivid imagination.
Kent Brockman: Well said! Let's take off our shirts and wrestle.

Homer: Boy, get dressed! You're going to a jazz brunch as punishment for all the racket you're making.
Bart: I thought you wanted me to drum?
Homer: Hmph. I'm sending you mixed messages. Now get the hell out of here! (slams door then opens it again) I love you so much. Damn you!

Mmm. Oh, this must be what angels taste like!

</i> Homer

Wow, your paintings have brush marks. (Gasps) And your statues have weiners!

</i> Homer

(about the "kissing Lincolns" penny) The one on the left looks into it, but the one on the right is just experimenting.

Displaying quotes 325 - 336 of 1517 in total

The Simpsons Quotes

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!

Homer: Aw, twenty dollars? I wanted a peanut!
Homer's Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts.
Homer: Explain how!
Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services.

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