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The-simpsons

Selma: For some reason she doesn't trust him, maybe it's the bang up job he did raising you.
Homer: He was a great Dad! Every year he got so mad when Santa didn't bring me presents!

Homer: (as Esteban) So, how long is senor Homer out of town for?
Marge: Ooh, I don't know, he might come home any minute
Homer: Then I must flee! (jumps out the window and re-enters the room as himself) Where is he? Where is he? I smell his aftershave!
Marge: I don't think we're doing this right.

Dad, do you know what you were kissing? Do you? Do you?

(about nursing home) This place is way too expensive. I saw you doing a 500 piece jigsaw puzzle!

Accountant: You throw over one thousand dollars a month into local wishing wells.
Homer: Yeah, you idiot, 'cause I'm wishing for more money!

Homer: Okay everyone ahead is my big surprise!
(Bart, Lisa, and Marge fall down the stairs.)
Homer: Watch out for the stairs.

Abe: My roof, my rules!
Homer: Oh, why did I borrow that roof from him?

I thought bankruptcy was the cool law. The one that says, "Dude, don't worry about it, I got this."

Patty: Hello, Homer.
Homer: (screams) Selma!
(Patty takes pin out of hair)
Patty: It's me, Patty.
Homer: (screams) Patty!

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