Writing is for bathroom walls and acting is for getting out of DUIs.

"Spot the hidden objects." Boy, you're pretty pushy for a book I just met.

Honey, this sounds like a noble experiment, but like Prohibition, it will end in a hail of bullets.

Bart: Dad, what are you watching?
Homer: I think it's a Terrence Malick movie.

GPS: Switching to male voice, so you will obey.
Homer: Finally, a supervisor!

Like all childless couples they troll the beaches waiting for the egg-layers to wander off from their young.

Worry-wart Marge. You don't look a Trojan horse in the mouth.

What women really want is a guy who's confident enough to go completely downhill after marriage and know she'll still love him.

When I found out shrimp cocktails had no alcohol, I really lost interest.

Homer: Listen, I gotta know. You're not just being nice to me because, in a pinch, you could make candles from my fat.
Lloyd: Well, that is a big part of it.
Homer: It's okay. I know what I am.

Do not question the wisdom of Tom Skerritt.

If Jesus had a gun, he'd be alive today.

The Simpsons Quotes

Marge: Tomorrow night, it might be nice to go out for dinner.
Homer: Tomorrow night? Friday? Pork chop night? Marge! We haven't missed pork chop night since the great pig scare in '87!

Wow, now I see why they call you Miss Hoover. You must have been vacuuming for an hour.

Bart