The Big Bang Theory

Thursdays 8:00 PM on CBS
The big bang theory
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Howard: So, this one's on God.
Bernadette: That might be a little more convincing if you didn't have a mouth full of bacon cheeseburger.
Howard: My religion's kinda loosey-goosy. Basically, as long as you have your schmekel clipped and don't wear a cross, you're good.

There's the problem. You can't beat Hawking like that. He hates to lose. Everyone knows the guy's a big baby. I mean, forget the wheelchair, he should be in a stroller.

Howard: Two weeks ago I was an astronaut.
Bernadette: Yeah, well, now you're a Smurf. Keep walking.

You know, people say the Soyuz capsule was a lemon. But, hey, that baby got me to space and back.

At least my mother made her boyfriend climb out the window.

Howard: Attention people of Earth: Tonight, there will be two moons in the sky.

They left dogs up here in the 60s.

Howard's mother: Speak up!
Howard: From now on she's the only woman who can yell at me!

Howard: There's fuel leaking and we're still gonna go?
Cosmonaut: Don't lose your Fruit Loops, Fruit Loops.

Sheldon: He asked her during coitus.
Howard: Did he get down on one knee or were you already there?

No! When I eat Fruit Loops the other astronauts make fun of me.

Quick question. I missed it in the briefing. How much urine do these suits hold?

Displaying quotes 109 - 120 of 323 in total

TBBT Quotes

Penny: Here's a question-- as an alien pretending to be human, are you planning to engage in any post-prom mating rituals with Amy?
Sheldon: There are post-prom mating rituals?
Penny: Not always. Unless your date drives a van with an air mattress, then always.
Sheldon: Well, if it's part of the prom experience, then I'm open to it.
Penny: You're kidding.
Sheldon: I may be an alien, but I have urges.If Amy wants to copulate by firing her eggs into space, well, then, I will happily catch them with the reproductive sac on my upper flermin. I'm not the best at reading facial cues, but I can see that you're a little turned on.

Penny: I always tear up when the Grinch's heart grows three sizes.
Sheldon: Tears seem appropriate. Enlargement of the heart muscle, or hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, is a serious disease which can lead to congestive heart failure.