Howard: You see, I have to play Dungeons and Dragons ... for the marriage.
Bernadette: You're an idiot.
Howard: I'm your idiot.

Sheldon: Is anyone else troubled by the Spider-Man theme song?
Leonard: Why would it trouble you? It's like your third favorite cartoon theme song.
Sheldon: It is, right behind [Sheldon sings "Inspector Gadget" and "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" theme songs]
Sheldon: However, the Spider-Man lyrics posit that Spider-Man's Spider-Man does whatever a spider can.
Howard: Yeah, so?
Sheldon: I can think of many things that Spider-Man can't do that a spider can. One crawl in your ear and die, two legally leave Guatemala without a passport, and three have sex with a spider.

Howard: Boy, we're married to a couple of ball busters, huh, Mike?
Bernadette's Dad: That's my wife and daughter you're talking about.
Howard: Great couple of gals.
Bernadette's Dad: I wouldn't go that far.

Death by chicken. That's a pretty fowl way to go.

Howard: Well, we appear to have reached an impasse. And, you know, I have to say, I thought you'd be more upset that your laptop is sitting on my junk.
Raj: I didn't pick up on that. That's a nice touch.

Howard: Meanwhile, you still don't have a car.
Sheldon: Don't try to change the subject. This is about a parking space. It has nothing to do with cars.

Howard: Do you expect me to build this?
Sheldon: I expect you to wipe the pudding off your chin. Gentlemen.

Howard: Boy, if these walls could talk.
Leonard: They'd say, "Why does he touch himself so much?"
Howard: Yeah.

Howard: So, this one's on God.
Bernadette: That might be a little more convincing if you didn't have a mouth full of bacon cheeseburger.
Howard: My religion's kinda loosey-goosy. Basically, as long as you have your schmekel clipped and don't wear a cross, you're good.

There's the problem. You can't beat Hawking like that. He hates to lose. Everyone knows the guy's a big baby. I mean, forget the wheelchair, he should be in a stroller.

Howard: Two weeks ago I was an astronaut.
Bernadette: Yeah, well, now you're a Smurf. Keep walking.

You know, people say the Soyuz capsule was a lemon. But, hey, that baby got me to space and back.

TBBT Quotes

Amy, I excel at many things, but getting over you wasn't one of them.


(Singing) Thor and Dr Jones, Thor and Dr. Jones. One plays with lightening, the other plays with bones.

Howard and Raj