Howard Wolowitz Quotes
Wolowitz: Why is Leonard being a giant douche? That is, assuming, of course that giant douches are possible.
Sheldon: Of course they are -- Leonard's being one.
- Permalink: Why is Leonard being a giant douche? That is, assuming, of cours...
Wolowitz: Okay forgot giant ants. How about giant rabbits?
Raj: Big or small, I don't like rabbits. They always look like they're about to say something, but they never do.
Sheldon: Rabbits do have a respiratory system that would support great size. And as a side note, they are one of the few animals whose scrotum is on the front of the penis.
Raj: Maybe that's what they want to talk about.
- Permalink: Okay forgot giant ants. How about giant rabbits? Big or small,...
Sheldon: I can't give a speech.
Wolowitz: No, you're mistaken. You give speeches all the time. What you can't do is shut up.
Raj: Before the movie, you did twenty minutes on why guacamole turns brown. It turned brown while you were talking.
- Permalink: I can't give a speech. No, you're mistaken. You give speeches ...
Raj: In Avatar, when they have sex on pandora they hook up their ponytails, so we know that their ponytails are like their junk.
Wolowitz: Yeah, so?
Raj: So when they ride horses and fly on the birds, they also use their ponytails...
Wolowitz: What's your point?
Raj: My point is if I were a horse or a bird, I'd be very nervous around James Cameron.
- Permalink: In Avatar, when they have sex on pandora they hook up their pony...
Wolowitz: How's it feel to get beaten up by a girl?
Sheldon: It's not the first time. I have a twin sister whose assaults began in utero. If only I'd had the presence of mind to absorb her. Then I'd have a mole with hair in it, instead of a tedious yearly Christmas letter.
- Permalink: How's it feel to get beaten up by a girl? It's not the first t...
Leonard: It should go back to Peter Jackson. He made the movies; it belongs to him.
Wolowitz: Fine, he can have it back -- as long as he promises to make me a hobbit in his next movie.
Raj: There are no Jewish hobbits.
Wolowitz: Clearly, you've never been to my house for dinner on Rosh Hashana.
- Permalink: It should go back to Peter Jackson. He made the movies; it belon...
Penny: Who's Adam West?
Sheldon: Who's Adam West!? Leonard, what do you talk about after the coitus?
Wolowitz: My guess is "four minutes, a new record!"
- Permalink: Who's Adam West? Who's Adam West!? Leonard, what do you talk a...
Wolowitz: Why do you have all of these unopened paychecks in your desk?
Sheldon: Because most of the things I'm planning to buy haven't been invented yet.
- Permalink: Why do you have all of these unopened paychecks in your desk? ...
Wolowitz: Damn paper cut. Nothing worse than a paper cut!
Raj: Obviously you don't remember your circumcision.
- Permalink: Damn paper cut. Nothing worse than a paper cut! Obviously you ...
I'd take Sheldon to Switzerland, absolutely. And I'd leave him there.
- Permalink: I'd take Sheldon to Switzerland, absolutely. And I'd leave him t...
Wolowitz [about Sheldon]: How long's he been stuck?
Leonard: Intellectually about 30 hours, emotionally about 29 years.
Wolowitz: Have you tried rebooting him?
Leonard: No, I think it's a firmware problem.
- Permalink: How long's he been stuck? Intellectually about 30 hours, emot...
I don't like to kiss and tell, but somebody made it to eighth base!
- Permalink: I don't like to kiss and tell, but somebody made it to eighth ba...
Penny: Here's a question-- as an alien pretending to be human, are you planning to engage in any post-prom mating rituals with Amy?
Sheldon: There are post-prom mating rituals?
Penny: Not always. Unless your date drives a van with an air mattress, then always.
Sheldon: Well, if it's part of the prom experience, then I'm open to it.
Penny: You're kidding.
Sheldon: I may be an alien, but I have urges.If Amy wants to copulate by firing her eggs into space, well, then, I will happily catch them with the reproductive sac on my upper flermin. I'm not the best at reading facial cues, but I can see that you're a little turned on.
Penny, there's only one cookie with something in the middle that solves life's problems, and that's an Oreo. Or a Nutter Butter, if you're in a pinch.Sheldon