The Big Bang Theory
Thursdays 8:00 PM on CBSHoward Wolowitz Quotes
Someday, when you have varicose veins, I'll show you how to massage them.
Penny: God, he's an ass when he drinks.
Wolowitz: He's an ass he doesn't. You just don't hear it.
Oh look! It's Leonard and R2-D-bag.
Raj: You slipped and fell into a robot hand?
Wolowitz: Yes.
Raj: Penis first?
Wolowitz: Yes. Now help me!
Leonard: I'd suggest a lubricant, but I have a feeling you fell on some of that as well.
Sheldon: Amy pointed out that, between the two of us, our genetic material has the potential of producing the first in a line of intellectually superior, benign overlords to guide humanity to a brighter tomorrow.
Wolowitz: I'm guessing that future historians will condemn us for not taking this opportunity to kill Sheldon.
Wolowitz: Okay, what if I were to tell you, tomorrow at 4:30, you could meet a woman who has been scientifically chosen to be your perfect mate?
Sheldon: I would snort with derision and throw my arms in the air, exhausted by your constant tomfoolery.
Leonard: Is that your dad?
Wolowitz: If she grows any more hair on her face, yes.
Raj: Do you think you'll go to hell for eating sweet and sour pork?
Wolowitz: Jews don't have Hell. We have acid reflux.
Raj: Ahh, the premature I love you.
Wolowitz: : I guessed premature, does that count?
What did you do, Romeo? Did you pour maple syrup all over your body and ask her if she was in the mood for a short stack?
Wolowitz: Why is Leonard being a giant douche? That is, assuming, of course that giant douches are possible.
Sheldon: Of course they are -- Leonard's being one.
Wolowitz: Okay forgot giant ants. How about giant rabbits?
Raj: Big or small, I don't like rabbits. They always look like they're about to say something, but they never do.
Sheldon: Rabbits do have a respiratory system that would support great size. And as a side note, they are one of the few animals whose scrotum is on the front of the penis.
Raj: Maybe that's what they want to talk about.
