Leonard: Because you don't know how to do cryptanalysis, do you?
Howard: I'm not even sure if it's the right word.

Raj: When stuff like this gets me down, you know what I like to do?
Howard: Sing "Hakuna Matata" like an eight-year-old girl?
Raj: Wrong, smarty-pants. It's "Everything Is Awesome" from The Lego Movie.

Raj: This old pen kind of proves gravity. When I tilt it, her bathing suit falls right off.
Howard: Oh, my dad used to have a pen like that. I dated it all through sixth grade.

Howard: They're not dating. They're just two friends who went out to dinner.
Raj: And then went back to the home they share where they probably fell asleep in the matching pajamas she got them because they both just love penguins.
Howard: Hey, lots of people wear matching pajamas who aren't dating.
Raj: Like who?
Howard: Like you and your dog.
Leonard: Don't rule out the dating.

Leonard: Oh, hey, we ran into your mom at Benihana last night.
Howard: Uh, yeah, she loves that place. Every time they flip a shrimp in the air, she practically leaps out of her seat to catch it. That's why I don't take her to SeaWorld.

Raj: You think he bites?
Howard: Stick your hand in there and find out.
Raj: You fooled me with that goat at the petting zoo. You will not fool me again.

Bernadette: Why are you being a baby?
Howard: I'm not a baby! I'm a grown man, and I made the bed. Now where's my star?

Leonard: I think what Penny meant is, the thought of you two in a mine is kind of funny-- it's like a cat riding a Roomba.
Howard: If they get scared, they'll have those hats with the lights on them, 'cause down there it's night-night all the time!
Bernadette: Maybe they could ride around in one of those mine carts that go,(squeakily): ee-oo-ee-oo-ee-oo.
Leonard: Yeah, it'll help them get away when they see a gh-gh-ghost...!

Leonard: Hold on. So, your idea is to get a van and cruise the streets looking for kids to pick up?
Guys: Yes.
Leonard: And are you gonna use candy to lure them in?
Raj: We are now!

Howard: All I know is, he's got my mother buying four-ply toilet paper. I mean, four-ply. If his butt is so delicate,why doesn't he just use an angora rabbit?
Sheldon: For starters, they shed and bite.

Bernadette: They throw an actual ball, you were throwing air at a tv.
Howard: For your information, I also threw Leonard a high five.

Howard: You reported me to human resources?
Sheldon: You violated the sanctity of my mouth.
Howard: Well, I dropped your class, so I hope you're happy.

TBBT Quotes

Amy, I excel at many things, but getting over you wasn't one of them.


(Singing) Thor and Dr Jones, Thor and Dr. Jones. One plays with lightening, the other plays with bones.

Howard and Raj