Penny: Who's Adam West?
Sheldon: Who's Adam West!? Leonard, what do you talk about after the coitus?
Wolowitz: My guess is "four minutes, a new record!"

Wolowitz: Why do you have all of these unopened paychecks in your desk?
Sheldon: Because most of the things I'm planning to buy haven't been invented yet.

Wolowitz: Damn paper cut. Nothing worse than a paper cut!
Raj: Obviously you don't remember your circumcision.

I'd take Sheldon to Switzerland, absolutely. And I'd leave him there.

Wolowitz [about Sheldon]: How long's he been stuck?
Leonard: Intellectually about 30 hours, emotionally about 29 years.
Wolowitz: Have you tried rebooting him?
Leonard: No, I think it's a firmware problem.

I don't like to kiss and tell, but somebody made it to eighth base!

Wolowitz: I once dated a girl who believed she was abducted by aliens.
Leonard: And that didn't bother you?
Wolowitz: Au contraire; it meant she was gullible and open to a little probing.

Raj: Good news guys, I got the four hour special edition of Watchmen.
Leonard: Got it.
Wolowitz: Seen it.
Sheldon: Detailed analysis posted online.

It's not enough you get the prom queen, you have to get the head of the decorating committee, too?

Wolowitz: In romance, like show business, always leave them wanting more.
Leonard: What does that mean?
Penny: He struck out.

Katee: Thanks, Howard. Always nice to be part of your masturbatory fantasies.
Wolowitz: Come on, Katee. Don't make it sound so cheap.
Katee: I'm sorry. Fiddling with yourself in the bathtub is a real class act.

Wolowitz [about Bernadette]: She wants a commitment, but I'm not sure if she's my type.
Penny: She agreed to go out with you for free. What more do you need?

TBBT Quotes

Two tea bags in one cup? You're not at a rave.

Sheldon

Raj: Okay, here's another one: if a zombie bites a vampire, and the vampire bites a human, does the human become a vampire or a zombie? Or, a zompire?