The Big Bang Theory

Thursdays 8:00 PM on CBS
The big bang theory
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Wolowitz: Before you and Penny hooked up, did she ask for any sort of commitment?
Leonard: No, she was pretty clear about wanting to keep her options open.

Wolowitz: There are two not-unattractive middle school teachers.
Raj: Wonderful. How old are they?
Wolowitz: Fifty, fifty-five.
Raj: Woh, menopause, nature's birth control.

But if she dumps you, she'll have a new boyfriend by tomorrow morning, and you'll have a new girlfriend when you figure out how to build one.

Wolowitz: Sheldon knows football?
Leonard: Apparently.
Wolowitz: I mean, Quidditch, sure. But football?

Raj: You always do this, you know. You ditch me for a woman you have no shot with
Wolowitz: I totally had a shot
Raj: With a woman you were chasing through a park? That's not a shot, that's a felony

Wolowitz: I would have caught up to her if I didn't pull my hammy
Raj: Oh please, you weigh 80 pounds, you don't have a hammy

Wolowitz: Do you like role playing games?
Bernadette: Like in the bedroom or dungeons and dragons?
Wolowitz: Either?
Bernadette: No

Wolowitz: Listen, you have to come to Shabbas dinner at my house sometime.
Bernadette: Why?
Wolowitz: A Catholic girl like you, wearing big cross like that, might just give my mother that big brain aneurysm I've been hoping for.
Bernadette: Only if you come to Sunday dinner at my house wearing a yamaka
Wolowitz: It's a date

Bernadette: Does your mother call you every day at work to see if you've had a healthy lunch?
Wolowitz: My mother calls me every day to see if I've had a healthy bowel movement

Wolowitz: So, what are we watching? Sex in the City, yikes!
Penny: Hey, I happen to love this movie.
Wolowitz: Fine, let's watch it. Maybe all our periods will synchronize

Wolowitz: Raj, I'm gonna really miss you.
Raj: Will you come visit me?
Wolowitz: 17 hours is a really long flight, how about we meet halfway?
Raj: Halfway is 600 miles off the coast of Japan
Wolowitz: We'll skype

Raj: When we tell the story, let's end it differently
Wolowitz: What are you thinking? A big musical number?

Displaying quotes 229 - 240 of 319 in total

TBBT Quotes

Penny: Here's a question-- as an alien pretending to be human, are you planning to engage in any post-prom mating rituals with Amy?
Sheldon: There are post-prom mating rituals?
Penny: Not always. Unless your date drives a van with an air mattress, then always.
Sheldon: Well, if it's part of the prom experience, then I'm open to it.
Penny: You're kidding.
Sheldon: I may be an alien, but I have urges.If Amy wants to copulate by firing her eggs into space, well, then, I will happily catch them with the reproductive sac on my upper flermin. I'm not the best at reading facial cues, but I can see that you're a little turned on.

Amy: Sheldon, there's something else I've been wanting to say, but before I do, I just... I want you to know that you don't have to say it back.I know you're not ready, and I don't want you to say it just because social convention dictates...
Sheldon: I love you, too.
Amy: You said it.
Sheldon: There's no denying I have feelings for you that can't be explained in any other way. I briefly considered that I had a brain parasite. But that seems even more far-fetched. The only conclusion was love.