Wolowitz: Before you and Penny hooked up, did she ask for any sort of commitment?
Leonard: No, she was pretty clear about wanting to keep her options open.

Wolowitz: There are two not-unattractive middle school teachers.
Raj: Wonderful. How old are they?
Wolowitz: Fifty, fifty-five.
Raj: Woh, menopause, nature's birth control.

But if she dumps you, she'll have a new boyfriend by tomorrow morning, and you'll have a new girlfriend when you figure out how to build one.

Wolowitz: Sheldon knows football?
Leonard: Apparently.
Wolowitz: I mean, Quidditch, sure. But football?

Raj: You always do this, you know. You ditch me for a woman you have no shot with
Wolowitz: I totally had a shot
Raj: With a woman you were chasing through a park? That's not a shot, that's a felony

Wolowitz: I would have caught up to her if I didn't pull my hammy
Raj: Oh please, you weigh 80 pounds, you don't have a hammy

Wolowitz: Do you like role playing games?
Bernadette: Like in the bedroom or dungeons and dragons?
Wolowitz: Either?
Bernadette: No

Wolowitz: Listen, you have to come to Shabbas dinner at my house sometime.
Bernadette: Why?
Wolowitz: A Catholic girl like you, wearing big cross like that, might just give my mother that big brain aneurysm I've been hoping for.
Bernadette: Only if you come to Sunday dinner at my house wearing a yamaka
Wolowitz: It's a date

Bernadette: Does your mother call you every day at work to see if you've had a healthy lunch?
Wolowitz: My mother calls me every day to see if I've had a healthy bowel movement

Wolowitz: So, what are we watching? Sex in the City, yikes!
Penny: Hey, I happen to love this movie.
Wolowitz: Fine, let's watch it. Maybe all our periods will synchronize

Wolowitz: Raj, I'm gonna really miss you.
Raj: Will you come visit me?
Wolowitz: 17 hours is a really long flight, how about we meet halfway?
Raj: Halfway is 600 miles off the coast of Japan
Wolowitz: We'll skype

Raj: When we tell the story, let's end it differently
Wolowitz: What are you thinking? A big musical number?

TBBT Quotes

Leonard: I'm not a crybaby.
Penny: Toy Story 3?
Leonard: They were holding hands in a furnace!

Two tea bags in one cup? You're not at a rave.

Sheldon