The Big Bang Theory

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The big bang theory
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Yes, she's pushy, and yes, he's whipped, but that's not the expression

Wolowitz [to Raj]

They're called tattoo sleeves. I bought them online. Raj got a set too. Put them on, have sex with some freaky girl with her business pierced and I can take them off and still be buried in a Jewish cemetery

Raj: What happened?
Sheldon: Obviously another carnal fiasco with the 'Shiksee' goddess.
Howard: Shiksa. Shik-Sa.
Sheldon: Forgive me. Yiddish was not spoken in East Texas. And if it was, it wasn't spoken for long.

Wolowitz: Sex is never the way I dreamed it was going to be.
Raj: Because in your dreams, you're a horse from the waist down.

you're missing the point, a Shiksa goddess is not an actual goddess, we prey on them, not to them

Leonard: Will you take that stupid red hat off?
Wolowitz: No, I want to blend in
Raj: To what? Toy story?

Leonard: I don't want to go to Texas
Wolowitz: Alright and I do? My people already crossed the desert once. We're done

Wolowitz [about his mustache]: I call it the Clooney
Raj: I call it the Mario and Luigi, but whatever

Wolowitz: Sheldon. You remember the first few weeks; we were looking for magnetic monopoles and not finding anything, and you were acting like an obnoxious, giant dictator?
Raj: I thought we were going to be gentle with him.
Wolowitz: That's why I added the "tator"

Wolowitz [after seeing Penny jump Leonard]: Damnit, I should have gone over and said we were back
Raj: Yeah, it was "first come, first serve."

Wolowitx: You think you can put up with Sheldon?
Raj: Well I'm a hindu. My religion teaches that if we suffer in this life, we're rewarded in the next. Three months in the north pole with Sheldon and I'm reborn as a well hung billionaire with wings

Wolowitz: Just imagine ... if he says yes, we'll have an entire summer without Sheldon.
Raj: We could play outside.
Wolowitz: We could sit on the left side of the couch.
Leonard: I could use the bathroom at 8:20!
Raj: Our dreams are very small, aren't they?

Displaying quotes 241 - 252 of 319 in total

TBBT Quotes

Penny: Here's a question-- as an alien pretending to be human, are you planning to engage in any post-prom mating rituals with Amy?
Sheldon: There are post-prom mating rituals?
Penny: Not always. Unless your date drives a van with an air mattress, then always.
Sheldon: Well, if it's part of the prom experience, then I'm open to it.
Penny: You're kidding.
Sheldon: I may be an alien, but I have urges.If Amy wants to copulate by firing her eggs into space, well, then, I will happily catch them with the reproductive sac on my upper flermin. I'm not the best at reading facial cues, but I can see that you're a little turned on.

Amy: Sheldon, there's something else I've been wanting to say, but before I do, I just... I want you to know that you don't have to say it back.I know you're not ready, and I don't want you to say it just because social convention dictates...
Sheldon: I love you, too.
Amy: You said it.
Sheldon: There's no denying I have feelings for you that can't be explained in any other way. I briefly considered that I had a brain parasite. But that seems even more far-fetched. The only conclusion was love.