Howard Wolowitz Quotes
Leonard: I don't want to go to Texas
Wolowitz: Alright and I do? My people already crossed the desert once. We're done
- Permalink: I don't want to go to Texas Alright and I do? My people alrea...
Wolowitz [about his mustache]: I call it the Clooney
Raj: I call it the Mario and Luigi, but whatever
- Permalink: I call it the Clooney I call it the Mario and Luigi, but whate...
Wolowitz: Sheldon. You remember the first few weeks; we were looking for magnetic monopoles and not finding anything, and you were acting like an obnoxious, giant dictator?
Raj: I thought we were going to be gentle with him.
Wolowitz: That's why I added the "tator"
- Permalink: Sheldon. You remember the first few weeks; we were looking for m...
Wolowitz [after seeing Penny jump Leonard]: Damnit, I should have gone over and said we were back
Raj: Yeah, it was "first come, first serve."
- Permalink: Damnit, I should have gone over and said we were back Yeah, it...
Wolowitx: You think you can put up with Sheldon?
Raj: Well I'm a hindu. My religion teaches that if we suffer in this life, we're rewarded in the next. Three months in the north pole with Sheldon and I'm reborn as a well hung billionaire with wings
- Permalink: You think you can put up with Sheldon? Well I'm a hindu. My r...
Wolowitz: Just imagine ... if he says yes, we'll have an entire summer without Sheldon.
Raj: We could play outside.
Wolowitz: We could sit on the left side of the couch.
Leonard: I could use the bathroom at 8:20!
Raj: Our dreams are very small, aren't they?
- Permalink: Just imagine ... if he says yes, we'll have an entire summer wit...
Wolowitz: This is the thing from the pizza box that keeps the lid from touching the cheese.
Raj: Is that what this is for? In India, the lid just touches the cheese. Of course, we also have rampant poverty and periodic outbreaks of chlorea so a little cardboard on our cheese is no biggie
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Sheldon: Why does Leonard get to go?
Wolowitz: Because he's upset over his situation with Penny, and if I have to hear about it again, I'm gonna kick him in his ovaries
- Permalink: Why does Leonard get to go? Because he's upset over his situat...
Leonard: Hey, how's it going?
Wolowitz: Cut the crap, you set this up, didn't you?
Wolowitz: She's a hooker, isn't she?
Raj: A prostitute, yes
Wolowitz: You already gave her the money?
Wolowitz: ... Thank you
- Permalink: Hey, how's it going? Cut the crap, you set this up, didn't you...
I'm a horny engineer, Leonard. I never joke about math or sex
- Permalink: I'm a horny engineer, Leonard. I never joke about math or sex
In bars, all across this great nation of ours, Thursday night is Ladies Night. Which means that as the evening progresses, we will get better looking courtesy of 99 cent margaritas and 2-for-1 Jello shots
- Permalink: In bars, all across this great nation of ours, Thursday night is...
Wolowitz: First we let the lawyers and the jock thin the heard, then we go after the weak, the old and the lame
Leonard: That's your system?
Wolowitz: Yeah and if you spot a girl with a seeing eye dog, she's mine
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Penny, there's only one cookie with something in the middle that solves life's problems, and that's an Oreo. Or a Nutter Butter, if you're in a pinch.Sheldon
Penny: Here's a question-- as an alien pretending to be human, are you planning to engage in any post-prom mating rituals with Amy?
Sheldon: There are post-prom mating rituals?
Penny: Not always. Unless your date drives a van with an air mattress, then always.
Sheldon: Well, if it's part of the prom experience, then I'm open to it.
Penny: You're kidding.
Sheldon: I may be an alien, but I have urges.If Amy wants to copulate by firing her eggs into space, well, then, I will happily catch them with the reproductive sac on my upper flermin. I'm not the best at reading facial cues, but I can see that you're a little turned on.