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The-big-bang-theory

Wolowitz: How's it feel to get beaten up by a girl?
Sheldon: It's not the first time. I have a twin sister whose assaults began in utero. If only I'd had the presence of mind to absorb her. Then I'd have a mole with hair in it, instead of a tedious yearly Christmas letter.

Leonard: It should go back to Peter Jackson. He made the movies; it belongs to him.
Wolowitz: Fine, he can have it back -- as long as he promises to make me a hobbit in his next movie.
Raj: There are no Jewish hobbits.
Wolowitz: Clearly, you've never been to my house for dinner on Rosh Hashana.

Penny: Who's Adam West?
Sheldon: Who's Adam West!? Leonard, what do you talk about after the coitus?
Wolowitz: My guess is "four minutes, a new record!"

Wolowitz: Why do you have all of these unopened paychecks in your desk?
Sheldon: Because most of the things I'm planning to buy haven't been invented yet.

Wolowitz: Damn paper cut. Nothing worse than a paper cut!
Raj: Obviously you don't remember your circumcision.

I'd take Sheldon to Switzerland, absolutely. And I'd leave him there.

Wolowitz [about Sheldon]: How long's he been stuck?
Leonard: Intellectually about 30 hours, emotionally about 29 years.
Wolowitz: Have you tried rebooting him?
Leonard: No, I think it's a firmware problem.

I don't like to kiss and tell, but somebody made it to eighth base!

Wolowitz: I once dated a girl who believed she was abducted by aliens.
Leonard: And that didn't bother you?
Wolowitz: Au contraire; it meant she was gullible and open to a little probing.

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