Wolowitz: This is the thing from the pizza box that keeps the lid from touching the cheese.
Raj: Is that what this is for? In India, the lid just touches the cheese. Of course, we also have rampant poverty and periodic outbreaks of chlorea so a little cardboard on our cheese is no biggie

Sheldon: Why does Leonard get to go?
Wolowitz: Because he's upset over his situation with Penny, and if I have to hear about it again, I'm gonna kick him in his ovaries

Leonard: Hey, how's it going?
Wolowitz: Cut the crap, you set this up, didn't you?
Leonard: Yes..
Wolowitz: She's a hooker, isn't she?
Raj: A prostitute, yes
Wolowitz: You already gave her the money?
Leonard: Yes
Wolowitz: ... Thank you

I'm a horny engineer, Leonard. I never joke about math or sex

In bars, all across this great nation of ours, Thursday night is Ladies Night. Which means that as the evening progresses, we will get better looking courtesy of 99 cent margaritas and 2-for-1 Jello shots

Wolowitz: First we let the lawyers and the jock thin the heard, then we go after the weak, the old and the lame
Leonard: That's your system?
Wolowitz: Yeah and if you spot a girl with a seeing eye dog, she's mine

Wolowitz: Okay! Let me just go inside and slip off my underwear.
Leonard: Why?
Wolowitz: Well if I get lucky, I certainly don't want to be caught in my Aquaman briefs.

Raj: The Wolowitz coefficient?
Wolowitz: Neediness times dress size squared

Wolowitz: According to Alicia's Facebook page, she's hooking up with one of the producers on CSI.
Penny: Dead whore on TV, live one in real life.

Wolowitz [to Penny in sweats]: Penny, Let me take this opportunity to point out that you are looking particularly ravishing today.
Penny: Not with a thousand condoms, Howard.
Wolowitz: So there is a number?

Raj [referring to making Penny Blossoms]: You know if I wanted to do this on a Saturday night, I would have stayed in India
Wolowitz: Drop the third world country act. Your father was a gynecologist and you had a houseful of servants
Raj: We only had four servants and two of them were children

Penny: It looks like the MySpace page of a 13 year old girl
Leonard: No it doesn't
Wolowitz: Oh please, Dateline could use it to attract predators

TBBT Quotes

I was expecting applause but I suppose stunned silence is equally appropriate.

Sheldon

Sheldon: Nothing more fun than a paradigm shifting evening of science.
Penny: (to Leonard) And you thought it was soaping me up in the shower.