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Wolowitz: So you're just going to sit around here and mope while Penny is out with Dr. Apu from the Kwik-E-Mart?
Leonard: It's not a date, and that's racist.
Wolowitz: It can't be racist, he's a beloved character on The Simpsons

Leonard: If we do get a new friend, he should be a guy you can trust. You know, a guy who has your back.
Wolowitz: And he should have a lot of money and live in a cool place down by the beach where we could throw parties.
Sheldon: And he should share our love of technology.
Wolowitz: And he should know a lot of women.
Leonard: Okay, let's see: money, women, technology. Okay, we're agreed. Our new friend is going to be Iron Man

Leonard: [Sheldon] says he's moving out.
Raj: What did you do? Did you change the contrast or brightness settings on the television?
Leonard: No.
Raj: Did you take a Band-Aid off in front of him?
Leonard: No.
Wolowitz: Did you buy generic ketchup? Forget to rinse the sink? Talk to him through the bathroom door?

Wolowitz: You know, I'm really glad you decided to learn Mandarin.
Sheldon: Why?
Wolowitz: Once you're fluent, you'll have a billion more people to annoy instead of me

Raj: Hey, look, I found an iPod!
Wolowitz: Smashed beyond repair—what are you going to do with it?
Raj: What else? Sell it on ebay as "slightly used"

Leonard: I'm her friend, I'm not going to take advantage of her vulnerability.
Wolowitz: Wait, so you're saying that if in the depths of despair she throws herself at you and demands you take her right there, right now, you'll just walk away?
Leonard: I said I'm her friend, not her gay friend

Wolowitz [to a black nurse]: Okay, I get it. I know how the world works. [flashes a five] How about I introduce you to the man who freed your people?
Nurse: Unless my people were freed by Benjamin Franklin and his five twin brothers, you are wasting your time

Sheldon: Leonard made it very clear, he doesn't want a party.
Wolowitz: Did someone say party?
Penny: He just doesn't know he wants one because he never had one.
Wolowitz: I suppose that's possible, but for the record I've never had a threesome and yet I still know I want one.
Penny: Howard here's a difference: the possibility exists that Leonard could have a birthday party before hell freezes over.
Wolowitz: Fine, if I do have a threesome you can't be part of it... I'm just kidding. Yes, you can. Can you bring a friend?

Penny: Well, Sheldon you are his friend. Friends give each other presents.
Sheldon: I accept your premise; I reject your conclusion.
Wolowitz [whispers]: Try telling him it's a non-optional social convention.
Penny: What?
Wolowitz: Just do it.
Penny: It's a non-optional social convention.
Sheldon: Ahh, fair enough.
Wolowitz: He came with a manual

Penny [on phone]: How about this, you keep him there a little longer, and when you get to the party, I'll point out which of my friends are easy.
Wolowitz: ... Don't toy with me, woman.
Penny: I got a hot former fat girl with no self-esteem, I got a girl who punishes her father by sleeping around, and an alcoholic who's two tequila shots away from letting you wear her like a hat.
Wolowitz: Thy will be done

Raj: Missy, do you enjoy pajamas?
Missy: I guess.
Raj: We Indians invented them. You're welcome.
Wolowitz: Yeah, well, my people invented circumcision

Wolowitz: Okay, you two have to back off.
Raj: Why should I back off? You back off, dude.
Leonard: Excuse me, this is my apartment, and she's my roommate's sister.
Howard: So what? You've already got Penny.
Leonard: How do I have Penny? In what universe do I have Penny?
Wolowitz: So, I can have Penny?
Leonard: Hell, no!

Displaying quotes 265 - 276 of 303 in total

TBBT Quotes

Penny, there's only one cookie with something in the middle that solves life's problems, and that's an Oreo. Or a Nutter Butter, if you're in a pinch.

Sheldon

Penny: Hey, Sheldon, did you change your Wi-Fi password again?
Sheldon: Yes, it's "Penny, get your own Wi-Fi." No spaces.

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