Thursdays 8:00 PM on CBS
The-big-bang-theory

Bernadette: How come the three of you never got an apartment together?
Leonard: We talked about it, but Howard was in a pretty serious relationship with his mom.
Howard: I lived with her to save money.
Raj: You didn't have to buy groceries because you were breast feeding.

Raj: I'm being a good houseguest.
Howard: No, you're being a better husband than I am.

Howard: She spends half the time licking her butt.
Raj: And the other half licking my face.

Howard: If I may, he has so little self-respect and is so desperate for the smallest crumb of affection, she could literally sleep with his own father in his own bed and post the video to YouTube, and he'd still buy her flowers and ask her to be his bride.
Raj: He's right.

Sheldon: It's great you're here. I'd love to get an engineer's opinion.
Howard: Sure.
Sheldon: This chair is squeaky. Now, do I fix it or get a new one?

Look who's here to put the Jew in jewelry night.

Howard: Can you imagine seeing someone all day long and then you're supposed to hang out with them after work, too?
Raj: Hold on. We do that all the time. You and I work together and play together.
Howard: Yeah, I know, and it drove me into the arms of another woman.

Howard: Wait. Wait. If it wasn't for Indiana Jones, the ark would never have ended up at the warehouse!
Sheldon: (gasps) That's true! He collected and delivered the ark to the proper authorities for filing.
Raj: Like a hero.
All: Yeah! Right! Yes!
Leonard: Although, technically, Indy was supposed to take the ark to a museum to be studied. He couldn't even get that done.
All: Aww.

Sheldon: To the planetarium!
Penny: Let's go!
Leonard: To the Tar Pits!
Bernadette: Let's go!
Amy: There's a Neil Diamond concert next month.
Howard: Let's go!

Displaying quotes 28 - 36 of 303 in total