Howard: Is that book called Lies I Tell to Get Sex?
Raj: Is that a real book? I would totally read that book.
Amy: Can I borrow it when you're done?

Astronaut Massimino: Well, you know how astronauts need to have the "right stuff"?
Howard: Sure.
Astronaut Massimino: The stuff you have is wrong.

Raj: This might be my second favorite brown magic wand.
Howard: Well, that's the last time I play with that.

Howard: You okay?
Amy: Why? Because my boyfriend's off playing choo-choo with some weirdo?

Sheldon: Howard, which pocket watch will you be wearing at dinner on the train?
Howard: I'm sorry, what?
Sheldon: Oh, I'm afraid if we wear the same pocket watch, it will be embarrassing.
Howard: I don't own a pocket watch.
Sheldon: Oh, my.

  • Permalink:
  • Added:

I lied about the Pepto -- I always use the little cup.

Raj: So that's it. Everything's sold out?
Leonard: Yeah.
Howard: I can't believe we're not going.
Sheldon: It's okay. You know, there-there's always WonderCon in Annheim, you know? That-That's just as good. ... Excuse me. [Cries]

Raj: Anyone in?
All the Guys: No!
Sheldon: Do not stop refreshing your screens!
All the Guys: Refresh. Refresh. Refresh....
Penny: Yeah, this is not gonna be enough coffee.

Howard: Yeah, he's nice because he likes you.
Amy: What? No he doesn't.
Raj: He brought you a pretty rock.
Amy: So? He does that every day----Oh.

Howard: A mineral and rock show? That would be awful even without Bert.
Amy: So what am I supposed to do now?
Raj: Prepare your uterus for his gigantic offspring

Howard: Fake a laugh? Do you ever do that with me?
Bernadette: No, of course not.
Howard: Well, I'd be able to tell anyway.
Bernadette: I don't think you would.
Howard: Please, I've made plenty of girls laugh, sometimes just by asking them out.
Bernadette: [Laughs]
Howard: Yeah, well, I fake my orgasms.

Bernadette: How come the three of you never got an apartment together?
Leonard: We talked about it, but Howard was in a pretty serious relationship with his mom.
Howard: I lived with her to save money.
Raj: You didn't have to buy groceries because you were breast feeding.

TBBT Quotes

Penny: Here's a question-- as an alien pretending to be human, are you planning to engage in any post-prom mating rituals with Amy?
Sheldon: There are post-prom mating rituals?
Penny: Not always. Unless your date drives a van with an air mattress, then always.
Sheldon: Well, if it's part of the prom experience, then I'm open to it.
Penny: You're kidding.
Sheldon: I may be an alien, but I have urges.If Amy wants to copulate by firing her eggs into space, well, then, I will happily catch them with the reproductive sac on my upper flermin. I'm not the best at reading facial cues, but I can see that you're a little turned on.

Penny: Hey, Sheldon, did you change your Wi-Fi password again?
Sheldon: Yes, it's "Penny, get your own Wi-Fi." No spaces.