Howard Wolowitz Quotes
Howard: Fake a laugh? Do you ever do that with me?
Bernadette: No, of course not.
Howard: Well, I'd be able to tell anyway.
Bernadette: I don't think you would.
Howard: Please, I've made plenty of girls laugh, sometimes just by asking them out.
Howard: Yeah, well, I fake my orgasms.
- Permalink: Yeah, well, I fake my orgasms.
Bernadette: How come the three of you never got an apartment together?
Leonard: We talked about it, but Howard was in a pretty serious relationship with his mom.
Howard: I lived with her to save money.
Raj: You didn't have to buy groceries because you were breast feeding.
- Permalink: You didn't have to buy groceries because you were breast feeding.
Raj: I'm being a good houseguest.
Howard: No, you're being a better husband than I am.
- Permalink: No, you're being a better husband than I am.
Howard: She spends half the time licking her butt.
Raj: And the other half licking my face.
- Permalink: And the other half licking my face.
Howard: If I may, he has so little self-respect and is so desperate for the smallest crumb of affection, she could literally sleep with his own father in his own bed and post the video to YouTube, and he'd still buy her flowers and ask her to be his bride.
Raj: He's right.
- Permalink: He's right.
Sheldon: It's great you're here. I'd love to get an engineer's opinion.
Sheldon: This chair is squeaky. Now, do I fix it or get a new one?
- Permalink: This chair is squeaky. Now, do I fix it or get a new one?
Look who's here to put the Jew in jewelry night.
- Permalink: Look who's here to put the Jew in jewelry night.
Howard: Can you imagine seeing someone all day long and then you're supposed to hang out with them after work, too?
Raj: Hold on. We do that all the time. You and I work together and play together.
Howard: Yeah, I know, and it drove me into the arms of another woman.
- Permalink: Can you imagine seeing someone all day long and then you're supp...
Howard: Wait. Wait. If it wasn't for Indiana Jones, the ark would never have ended up at the warehouse!
Sheldon: (gasps) That's true! He collected and delivered the ark to the proper authorities for filing.
Raj: Like a hero.
All: Yeah! Right! Yes!
Leonard: Although, technically, Indy was supposed to take the ark to a museum to be studied. He couldn't even get that done.
- Permalink: Wait. Wait. If it wasn't for Indiana Jones, the ark would never ...
Sheldon: To the planetarium!
Penny: Let's go!
Leonard: To the Tar Pits!
Bernadette: Let's go!
Amy: There's a Neil Diamond concert next month.
Howard: Let's go!
- Permalink: To the planetarium! Let's go! To the Tar Pits! Let's go...
Howard: No, I am definitely up a cup size.
Raj: You, know, b-but they're very firm, so you've got that going for you.
Howard: You think?
Raj: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Very perky.
Howard: Thank you. I really needed to hear that today.
- Permalink: No, I am definitely up a cup size. You, know, b-but they're ve...
Hey, easy. My nipples are sensitive.
- Permalink: Hey, easy. My nipples are sensitive.
Penny: Here's a question-- as an alien pretending to be human, are you planning to engage in any post-prom mating rituals with Amy?
Sheldon: There are post-prom mating rituals?
Penny: Not always. Unless your date drives a van with an air mattress, then always.
Sheldon: Well, if it's part of the prom experience, then I'm open to it.
Penny: You're kidding.
Sheldon: I may be an alien, but I have urges.If Amy wants to copulate by firing her eggs into space, well, then, I will happily catch them with the reproductive sac on my upper flermin. I'm not the best at reading facial cues, but I can see that you're a little turned on.
Penny, there's only one cookie with something in the middle that solves life's problems, and that's an Oreo. Or a Nutter Butter, if you're in a pinch.Sheldon