The Big Bang Theory

Mondays 8:00 PM on CBS
The big bang theory

I need you to be honest with me. Do my boobs look bigger to you?

Howard: I feel so stupid. And fat.
Bernadette: That's okay. You still look great to me. In fact, why don't we go in the bedroom and I'll prove it to you?
Howard: Sex? Really? That's just your solution for everything.

Howard: You're full of estrogen and you don't act like that.
Bernadette: That's 'cause I'm a woman. I've had years of practice riding the dragon.

Raj: Why are you on a diet?
Howard: I've put on a couple pounds. I buy these pants in the men's section.
Raj: Well, we've all seen your mom. That Butterball turkey was bound to come home to roost.

Howard: What were they thinking putting Doctor Octopus's mind in Spider-Man's body?
Raj: Well, I've been quite enjoying that. It combines all the superhero fun of Spider-Man with all the body-switching shenanigans of Freaky Friday. Both versions: original and Lohan.
Howard (imitating Raj): "Both versions: original and Lohan."

Howard: There's a party for incoming post-docs tonight. Go to it and meet someone who isn't made of grease or pie.
Raj: You think you're so cool because your wife is a person?

And, space beats water.

Howard: When this all blows over, remember that voice. It's kind of a turn-on.
Bernadette: It turns you on when I sound like Raj?

Howard: Son of a bitch, she's gone.
Bernadette: Where'd she go?
Howard: I don't know. She didn't leave a note.
Bernadette: You were the one who was supposed to put her back in the stroller!
Howard: No, I wasn't! You were!
Bernadette: No, I wasn't!
Howard: Yes, you were!
Bernadette: Well, you throw like a girl.

Howard: Classy dog.
Raj: Yes. Also, don't forget to close the toilet or she'll drink out of it.
Howard: I feel for ya I have a psychotic mommy, too.

Howard: How'd you get him to come to your house?
Sheldon: As Professor Proton says, "There is no problem you can't solve if you use your noggin."
Leonard: And, he wrote him a check.
Sheldon: Yeah, that too. A big check.

Howard: Why don't you put her in a kennel?
Raj: Why don't you put your mother in a home?
Howard: To be honest, she'd do better in the kennel.

Displaying quotes 49 - 60 of 313 in total

TBBT Quotes

Professor Proton is dead?

Sheldon

Leonard: What? You're afraid of both dinosaurs and chickens.
Sheldon: Yes, but tell me a dinosaur chicken salad sandwich wouldn't hit the Mesozoic spot.

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