Howard: They spent a ton of money developing this dandruff medication that had the horrible side effect of anal leakage.
Raj: Is there a good anal leakage?

Raj: Aren't you gonna to eat lunch?
Howard: Nah, I blew my food allowance on Pokemon cards?

Bernadette: No, here's how love works. You're gonna return the machine or you can print out a working set of lady parts and sleep with those.
Howard: [pondering]
Bernadette: Oh, my God! Are you actually thinking about it?

Raj: Oh, okay, great. Now, I can look like Val Kilmer as Batman, instead of Val Kilmer as he looks today.
Howard: All right, you can suck it in a little bit.

Leonard: Maybe it's a shipping problem.
Howard: What?
Leonard: Maybe Wesley Snipes and Toucan Sam just got action figures that look like you guys.

My wife came with both fun bags and money bags.

Well, I wanted everyone to know that I love me wife and nobody to know I forgot to turn off the laser.

Raj: Are they actually arguing about comic books?
Leonard: No, that can't be right.
Howard: Maybe "Thor's Hammer" is a new color of nail polish.

Cop: You guys need me to call someone? I'm guessing your moms?
Leonard: Thanks, but we've got it covered.
Howard (walks up): Okay, I just talked to my mom.

Look, Leonard. There's a bridge. Drive off it.

Raj: I talk with my eyes.
Howard: You look like my little cousin when he's dropping one in his diaper.

Stuart: What's wrong with Christmas?
Sheldon: Where to begin? Trees indoors, overuse of the words "tis" and "twas," and the absurd custom of one stocking. Everyone notice socks belong in pairs. Who uses one sock?
Howard: A pirate with a peg leg.
Sheldon: Actually, that helps. Thank you.

TBBT Quotes

Amy, I excel at many things, but getting over you wasn't one of them.


(Singing) Thor and Dr Jones, Thor and Dr. Jones. One plays with lightening, the other plays with bones.

Howard and Raj