Jack: What do you take to fly?
Liz: Candy and magazines.
Jack: No no. Pills. Nobody flies without medication anymore. Why shouldn't you enjoy the same luxuries as a dog?
Liz: Comanaprosil? May cause dizziness, sexual nightmares, and sleep crime.
Jack: It's very good.

Professor Milton Green, who's working on a three volume biography of Jimmy Carter, and if I give him a kidney he might, just might, live long enough to finish it.

Lemon, women your age are more likely to get mauled at the zoo than get married.


I didn't get a bathroom door that looks like a wall by being bad at business.

She keeps confusing me with this ridiculous notion that sex and love are somehow connected.

Rich fifty is middle class thirty-eight.

Very different indeed. Like a cantaloupe and a Ziploc bag of mushroom soup.

[on Argus] He's become listless, and he won't eat any of the food I got at the crazy rich person's pet shop.

The last thing I remember is going into a closet and changing clothes with Bob Ballard.

A female page? Don't worry, they disappear all the time.

Jack: Tracy and I have become quite close. Look, we got BFF bracelets.
Liz: You guys are best friends forever?
Jack: That's not what that stands for.

We Donaghys believe that when there is something at all delicate to talk about it is best to suppress it...until it erupts into a fist fight at a church barbecue.

30 Rock Quotes

Jenna: Oh, I'm not worried because I have something the other actors don't.
Liz: Don't say your sexuality.
Jenna: My sexuality.
Liz: Oh, god, Jenna! When has that ever worked?
Jenna: When has it not worked?!

Passing out and cursing on St. Patrick's Day. Is nothing sacred anymore?