I could hardly drink my morning shower scotch.

Colleen: My father did not kill dozens of Germans so that his daughter could die in a van.
Jack: But he wasn't even in the war.

Ambition is the willingness to kill the things you love and eat them in order to stay alive. Haven't you ever read my throw pillow?

There are no bad ideas Lemon, only great ideas that go horribly wrong.

Liz: Okay, very funny. You bought a pager from Dennis. Will you take it off now, please?
Jack: Oh, I can't. I'm expecting a call from 1983.

Jack: Conan, Tracy's really excited to be back on your show.
Conan: I don't know. He's kind of a loose cannon, and I like to surround myself with people who don't try to stab me.

All you have to do as the writing staff of an NBC show is incorporate positive mentions, or 'POS-MENS' of GE products into your program. For example you could write an episode where one of your character purchases, and is satisfied with one of GE's direct current drilling motors for off-shore or land-based projects.

Dennis: You know there are 17 million rats per person in Manhattan. You eat a pound of rat crap every year without even knowing it, huh?
Jack: I think I read about that in The New Yorker... Um, anyway, we'll leave you two to your meal. I hope you enjoy the choices that you've made.

Jack: Tracy's feeling a lot better now. He's under a doctor's care.
Conan: That's what they said about Hasselhoff, then he tried to make out with me during a commercial break.
Jack: Conan, this is important to me. So, we can either do this the easy way or the hard way.
Conan: What's the hard way?
Jack: You do a live Christmas Eve special from Kabul every year until the War on Terror is won.
Conan: Tell Tracy I'll see him tonight, you Black Irish bastard.
Jack: Back at you, red.

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