The closest I came to vomiting tonight is when I saw Ann Coulter's shoulder blades.

They're called Spanx!

Come on Donaghy. You've skied Mount St. Helen's, made eye contact with Michelle Bachman, been trapped under a boulder for 128 hours, you're not scared of anything.

Jack: Tracy's feeling a lot better now. He's under a doctor's care.
Conan: That's what they said about Hasselhoff, then he tried to make out with me during a commercial break.
Jack: Conan, this is important to me. So, we can either do this the easy way or the hard way.
Conan: What's the hard way?
Jack: You do a live Christmas Eve special from Kabul every year until the War on Terror is won.
Conan: Tell Tracy I'll see him tonight, you Black Irish bastard.
Jack: Back at you, red.

We have to spend all of our wonderful money and help my hair mentor Mitt Romney become the 11th legitimate President of the United States.

We've got a great show. At least that's what the Jews I pay tell me.

Liz: Show him how funny women are.
Jenna: Are we though?

Banks: NBC is the Titanic.
Jack: The highest grossing movie of all time?

Liz: Where's Gary?
Jack: Gary's dead. I'm Jack Donaghy. New VP of development for NBC/GE/Universal/Kmart.
Pete: Oh, we own Kmart now?
Jack: No. Why are you dressed like we do?

Jack: Jenna, this is for family only.
Jenna: Now you sound like the cops outside Jackie O's funeral.

I even stopped to catch a snowflake with my tongue, but apparently that's some signal in Chelsea.

Jack

Jack: Deborah is testing off the charts in the most profitable demographics: Soccer moms, NASCAR dads, white collar pervs and the obese.

30 Rock Quotes

I wanna roll my eyes right now, but the doctor said if I keep doing it my ocular muscles might spasm and eject my eyeballs.

Liz

[on Liz] Regular six, drunk seven.

Agent