Jack: We are lovers.
Liz: Uhh that word bums me out unless it's between the words meat and pizza.

Jack: Why are you better looking in your memory?
Liz: My memory had Seinfeld money.

Does it seem weird in here to you? Everything looks like a Mexican soap opera.

Liz: I don't know if he's mentioned this to you a hundred times, but he went to Harvard.
Jack: So we know he's smart and superb at masturbation.

I would point to Sunday Night Football which features many black players and coaches.

After I'm gone, your mother might meet someone else. I want her to be happy so his death must appear to be accidental.

...and then attended Harvard Business School where I was voted, Most. I once hit a stand up triple off Fidel Castro. I was the first person ever to say, I need a vacation from this vacation. The song "Your so vain" was in fact written...by me.

Liz: You comin' downstairs?
Jack: And stand outside in a crowd like some Italian? I don't think so.

Liz: The bathrooms are so much cleaner than at home... I don't know how they do it.
Jack: They clean them.

Jack: Lemon why do you keep spending so much money on Wigs?
Liz: Tracy's head size keeps changing.

The Harry Potter theme park is a huge hit with both anglophiles and pedophiles.

Jack: My naturally blonde lady love and I basked in the three S's: surf, sun and ...
Liz: Sandwiches?

30 Rock Quotes

Fine, I will try the other location. But frankly, LaDonica, you have not been real helpful.

Kenneth

I believe that when you have a problem, you talk it over with your priest, or your tailor, or the mute elevator porter at your men's club. Then you take that problem and you crush it with your mind vice. But for lesser beings, like curly haired men and people who need glasses, therapy can help.

Jack