You kept trying to order home massages off of Craigslist.

You watched it for an hour, said Nicole Kidman should get an Oscar for it then shut it off.

Liz: I will spend half the day in twilight sleep and then I will go home to watch the Lifetime movie 'My Stepson Is My Cyber-Husband.'
Jack: That's inspired. You truly are the Picasso of loneliness.

[on his speed dial rankings] Blackberry Warren Buffett, iPhone Jimmy Buffett.

Avery: I have a thing for commanding salt and pepper types. I don't know why. I think it started when I walked in on my parents the day Reagan was shot.
Jack: I wouldn't over-analyze that.

Mothers. You can't kill them...

Jack: She's done a complete 180.
Jenna: Even better, Jack. She made a full 360!

The imaginary enemy. Classic move, Lemon. The Salem Witch Trials, the Red scare, global warming.

What keeps people polite on airplanes? A shared hatred for the CBS sitcoms they're forced to watch.

What, you're not using an office replication service while you're here?

Liz: Cross-promotional... deal mechanics... revenue streams... jargon... synergy.
Jack: That's the best presentation I've ever heard.

Jonathan, why do I have an Indian assistant if my computer is always...

30 Rock Quotes

Fine, I will try the other location. But frankly, LaDonica, you have not been real helpful.

Kenneth

I believe that when you have a problem, you talk it over with your priest, or your tailor, or the mute elevator porter at your men's club. Then you take that problem and you crush it with your mind vice. But for lesser beings, like curly haired men and people who need glasses, therapy can help.

Jack