Liz: How do you sleep at night, Jack?
Jack: I don't. I take thousands of micro-naps during the day.

Let me tell you who we have. Craig T. Nelson, Chuck Norris, and Charlton Heston's skull. You'd be the only cool Republican.

She's aging, mean, and rich. That sounds Republican to me.

We have to spend all of our wonderful money and help my hair mentor Mitt Romney become the 11th legitimate President of the United States.

A room full of rich people can...change the world.

I needed to unite the room around a common enemy and Ed Begley Jr. wasn't available because the sail on his car broke.

Reginald: Donaghy, still over at NBC with all those communists and homosexuals?
Jack: Reginald I believe you're thinking of the White House.

Liz: Show him how funny women are.
Jenna: Are we though?

There are no bad ideas Lemon, only great ideas that go horribly wrong.

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