Jack: Jenna, this is for family only.
Jenna: Now you sound like the cops outside Jackie O's funeral.

We've got a great show. At least that's what the Jews I pay tell me.

Bang, zoom, I'm gonna drown you in the bathtub and say a mental patient did it.

One of these days I'm gonna cut you up in pieces and feed you to the neighbor's dogs.

One of these days Dorris I'm gonna take a shotgun and blam, blow your face off.

From now on you write and shoot the whole season in two weeks, like Wheel of Fortune or Fox News.

Liz: Has anyone ever known a good person named Kevin?
Jack: Kevin Garnett helped me move once. Kevin Costner cooked me dinner after a bad breakup.

Jack: Your life is tied to the fate of the ring. It must be destroyed.
Pete: Are you quoting The Lord of the Rings?
Jack: No, I'm quoting myself talking to Bruce Willis.

Jack: Your evaluation gave me pause.
Pete: Are you sure? Those look like hands to me.

I once pants-ed Deepak Chopra while Craig T. Nelson taped it. I don't meditate.

Jack: Meditation is a waste of time, time you could've spent reading that book he gave you on business lunches: Buffet...on Buffets.

Meditation is a waste of time, like learning French or kissing after sex.

30 Rock Quotes

Jenna: Oh, I'm not worried because I have something the other actors don't.
Liz: Don't say your sexuality.
Jenna: My sexuality.
Liz: Oh, god, Jenna! When has that ever worked?
Jenna: When has it not worked?!

Passing out and cursing on St. Patrick's Day. Is nothing sacred anymore?