Jack: Jenna, this is for family only.
Jenna: Now you sound like the cops outside Jackie O's funeral.

We've got a great show. At least that's what the Jews I pay tell me.

Bang, zoom, I'm gonna drown you in the bathtub and say a mental patient did it.

One of these days I'm gonna cut you up in pieces and feed you to the neighbor's dogs.

One of these days Dorris I'm gonna take a shotgun and blam, blow your face off.

From now on you write and shoot the whole season in two weeks, like Wheel of Fortune or Fox News.

Liz: Has anyone ever known a good person named Kevin?
Jack: Kevin Garnett helped me move once. Kevin Costner cooked me dinner after a bad breakup.

Jack: Your life is tied to the fate of the ring. It must be destroyed.
Pete: Are you quoting The Lord of the Rings?
Jack: No, I'm quoting myself talking to Bruce Willis.

Jack: Your evaluation gave me pause.
Pete: Are you sure? Those look like hands to me.

I once pants-ed Deepak Chopra while Craig T. Nelson taped it. I don't meditate.

Jack: Meditation is a waste of time, time you could've spent reading that book he gave you on business lunches: Buffet...on Buffets.

Meditation is a waste of time, like learning French or kissing after sex.

30 Rock Quotes

Oh, oh Ken ... we may have fallen into the intellectual deep end here. And if you try to grab on to me, we'll both drown.

Tracy

I wanna roll my eyes right now, but the doctor said if I keep doing it my ocular muscles might spasm and eject my eyeballs.

Liz