I once pants-ed Deepak Chopra while Craig T. Nelson taped it. I don't meditate.

Jack: Meditation is a waste of time, time you could've spent reading that book he gave you on business lunches: Buffet...on Buffets.

Meditation is a waste of time, like learning French or kissing after sex.

Let's set aside how idiotic that plan was, and imagine a world where it actually worked!

Liz: Your insistence that the Jack character have an awesome catch phrase...
Jack: An idea that's off the charts, Kimosabe.

You in orange? You'll look like a creamsicle with an old tooth stuck in it.

Unfortunately, unless Harry's Law really took off this week and no one told me, you two are the biggest stars at the network.

Jack: Whatever are you doing here, Kaylie Hooper?
Kaylie: Enjoying my total lack of adult supervision. I just had fruit roll ups for dinner...at a strip club.

Kaylie: My mom is in Indonesia visiting her charity where poor children make shoes.
Jack: Isn't that just a sweatshop?

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