I used to be a winner. Men wanted to be me. Women wanted to sleep with me. Bisexuals wanted to watch.

It's the ultimate game...Jack Donaghy, playing with himself. It's a Jack-off.

Are you being coached? Is it Pat Reilly? Tell him the fun-meister says hi. He'll know what that means.

Jack: Our new slogan, NBC: We have a magical horse, is testing...okay.

Criss: I don't understand your relationship with Liz...
Jack: She's my subordifriend.

Banks: NBC is the Titanic.
Jack: The highest grossing movie of all time?

Is it a stupid name like Dakota or Barack?

Next week Jay-Z was going to do a duet with one of the spinning chairs from The Voice, and the chair just pulled out.

Maybe we could make even more money by pretending to be nice. I mean, look at Betty White.

This thing's a real cash cow, unlike Cash Cow, the NBC spinoff of Cash Cab. You try riding a cow through midtown Manhattan, Lemon. The animal will panic.

I could hardly drink my morning shower scotch.

Avery: I don't know why our daughter would be afraid of Reagan.
Jack: Are you accusing me of not doing enough Reagan time with her?

30 Rock Quotes

Fine, I will try the other location. But frankly, LaDonica, you have not been real helpful.

Kenneth

I believe that when you have a problem, you talk it over with your priest, or your tailor, or the mute elevator porter at your men's club. Then you take that problem and you crush it with your mind vice. But for lesser beings, like curly haired men and people who need glasses, therapy can help.

Jack