Jake Harper Quotes
Jake: Are you crazy?
Rose: There's several schools of thought on that
- Permalink: Are you crazy? There's several schools of thought on that
Charlie: No kids in my house.
Jake: I'm a kid.
Charlie: I don't think of you as a kid. I think of you as more of a gassy dwarf
- Permalink: No kids in my house. I'm a kid. I don't think of you as a ki...
Jake: Can I go back to mom's tomorrow?
Jake: I want to hang out with my friends.
Alan: What, all of a sudden your father's not good enough for you?
Jake: It's not "all of a sudden."
- Permalink: Can I go back to mom's tomorrow? Why? I want to hang out wit...
Alan: He's growing up, getting a life of his own. He'll be going off to college soon. I'll only see him on holidays, only hear from him when he needs money... not that I'll have any, I'll still be paying alimony to two ex-wives! And college tuition? That just means selling an organ or turning tricks. And for what? So that he can get a worthless piece of paper that he can then fold into a hat to wear to the fast food job that he will probably get fired from for stealing fries from the customers' bags!
Jake: I do like fries
- Permalink: He's growing up, getting a life of his own. He'll be going off t...
Jake: There's just one thing I don't understand.
Judith: What's that, honey?
Jake: If you have sex with a pregnant lady, wouldn't she have twins?
Naomi: Otherwise, I'd be having a whole damn litter
- Permalink: There's just one thing I don't understand. What's that, honey?...
Charlie: She might be a bit outspoken, but I happen to find that very attractive.
Jake: She must be dynamite in the sack.
Alan: Where do you get this stuff from?
- Permalink: She might be a bit outspoken, but I happen to find that very att...
Evelyn: How many pieces of bacon are you going to eat?
Jake: My record's fourteen. I barfed, but it still counts
- Permalink: How many pieces of bacon are you going to eat? My record's fou...
Lydia: So, what grade are you in?
Lydia: Well, don't you worry when the other kids make fun of you; you'll show 'em some day.
Jake: Nobody makes fun of me.
Lydia: You're kidding?
- Permalink: So, what grade are you in? Seventh. Well, don't you worry wh...
Alan: Why did you run away?
Jake: Because I hate it there!
Alan: Is this about the upcoming nuptials?
Jake: It's nothing to do with puberty, dad. It's about mom getting married
- Permalink: Why did you run away? Because I hate it there! Is this about...