Jake Harper Quotes (Page 17)
Season 4, Episode 4: "A Pot Smoking Monkey"
Jake: Hey, dad, how come you don't give me an allowance?
Alan: Because your mother gives you an allowance. [to Kandi] Look, I'm just trying to be fair here.
Jake: Speaking of fair, it doesn't seem fair that mom has to pay me and you don't.
Alan: Hang on, Kandi. [To Jake]: Let me explain something to you, every cent your mother has, comes from me. So when she gives you an allowance, it's really me giving you an allowance.
Jake: I don't need to know how it works, I just need more money
• Rating: 4.0 / 5.0
Charlie: Still early, want to go shoot some hoops?
Jake: Nah, I'm gonna go call Wendy Cho.
Charlie: Hey, bros before Chos!
• Rating: Unrated
Season 4, Episode 3: "The Sea is a Harsh Mistress"
Jake: Dad said you almost drowned today?
Charlie: Yup!
Jake: Are you okay now?
Charlie: I'm fine.
Jake: Can I ask you a question?
Charlie: Sure.
Jake: It's about what happens when you die.
Charlie: Okay.
Jake: Who gets your car?
• Rating: Unrated
Alan: Come on, Jake, we're going to the movies.
Jake: On a school night?
Alan: Why not? You're flunking anyway
• Rating: Unrated
Season 4, Episode 2: "Who's Vod Kanockers?"
Jake: Hey, if girls with big boobs work at Hooters, where do girls with only one leg work at? ... IHOP
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Jake: Hey, Berta, do you wanna see my armpit hair?
Berta: Only if you want to see mine
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Season 4, Episode 1: "Working for Caligula"
Jake: Even though Mom stopped loving you and Kandi stopped loving you, you don't have to worry about me.
Alan: Thanks, pal!
Jake: You're my dad. I pretty much gotta love you.
• Rating: Unrated
Season 3, Episode 24: "That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite"
Charlie: So basically, I asked her to marry me, and she said "yes."
Jake: Hah
Alan: What do you think about that, Jake?
Jake: Good.
Charlie: That's it? Good?
Jake: It's not good?
Charlie: No, it's good.
Jake: That's what I said. Alright, I'm full
Alan: Wears his little heart on his sleeve, doesn't h?.
Charlie: It's my own fault. I should have known better than to talk to him at feeding time
• Rating: Unrated
Season 3, Episode 22: "Just Once With Aunt Sophie"
Alan [about the party]: Are her parents going to be there?
Jake: I guess.
Charlie: Let the fathers who have girls worry about that
• Rating: Unrated
Alan: What's going on in school?
Jake: Nothing
Alan: Nothing? You just sit there all day and stare at the wall?
Jake: That's where the clock is.
• Rating: Unrated
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Total Quotes: 272
