Two and a Half Men

Jake Harper Quotes (Page 18)

Charlie: So basically, I asked her to marry me, and she said "yes."
Jake: Hah
Alan: What do you think about that, Jake?
Jake: Good.
Charlie: That's it? Good?
Jake: It's not good?
Charlie: No, it's good.
Jake: That's what I said. Alright, I'm full
Alan: Wears his little heart on his sleeve, doesn't h?.
Charlie: It's my own fault. I should have known better than to talk to him at feeding time
 • Rating: Unrated

Alan [about the party]: Are her parents going to be there?
Jake: I guess.
Charlie: Let the fathers who have girls worry about that
 • Rating: Unrated

Alan: What's going on in school?
Jake: Nothing
Alan: Nothing? You just sit there all day and stare at the wall?
Jake: That's where the clock is.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jake: She say what I'm in trouble for?
Charlie: Nope.
Jake: Boy, it's the not knowing that drives you crazy.
Charlie: Yeah, like a pregnancy test
 • Rating: Unrated

Alan: Jake, what are we going to do? You've really fallen behind this year.
Jake: I know, I think it's a delayed reaction to your divorce.
Alan: Oh?
Jake: Yeah, it took awhile, but my teachers have finally stopped feeling sorry for me
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Jake: We had a surprise test today.
Alan: And?
Jake: I was really surprised
 • Rating: 4.7 / 5.0

# Charlie: You ever see a kid at school who doesn't like his lunch, but he won't let you have it. either?
Jake: Oh, yeah, Russell Beasley. He'll spit on his apple cobbler before he'll let anybody else eat it.
Charlie: Well, this is pretty much the same deal, except your Mom is Russell Beasley, and your Dad is the spit-covered cobbler.
Jake: I don't understand.
Charlie: Even though your mom doesn't want your dad, she doesn't want Kandi to eat him, either.
Jake: Oh. You know, I like cobbler with ice cream.
Charlie: Way to follow a train of thought.
Jake: Thanks.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Jake: Who's that?
Rose: Gordon, my boyfriend.
Jake: How come he's not allowed in?
Rose: I'm trying to avoid an awkward situation.
Charlie: Too late.
Jake: You bringing him to my birthday party?
Rose: I don't know. Charlie, is the wound too fresh?
Charlie: I think I can handle it
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Jake: What's a booty call?
Charlie: Well, it's... you know this is more of a thing a son should learn from his father.
Jake: Oh, okay.
Charlie: Maybe you should ask him now.
Jake: Alright.
Charlie: I'm going to hell
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Jake: I thought you weren't supposed to be smoking and drinking anymore.
Charlie: I thought you weren't supposed to be watching dirty movies anymore.
Jake: Don't change the subject
 • Rating: Unrated

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