Jake Harper Quotes
Jake: I still don't understand why my mom had to break up with Greg.
Charlie: Well, it could have been worse. She could have married him and then broken up with him. When I was your age, I was already on my third stepfather, and I kind of liked the second one
- Permalink: I still don't understand why my mom had to break up with Greg. ...
Miss Pasternak [regarding Jake giving her the middle finger]: I was writing on the board and he thought I couldn't see him.
Alan: Is this true?
Jake: Yeah, I really thought she couldn't see me
- Permalink: I was writing on the board and he thought I couldn't see him. ...
Miss Pasternak: Jake, I'm only your teacher from 8:15 to three o'clock. After that I'm just a person like anybody else.
Jake: This is more wrong than the time I saw Santa peeing at the mall
- Permalink: 15 to three o'clock. After that I'm just a person like anybody e...
Charlie: Okay, let me try this again. A vasectomy is a very simple procedure.
Jake: Are you sick??
Charlie: No, no, no, I'm perfectly healthy. It's just a procedure so that I don't have babies by accident.
Jake: Oh, yeah, like we had to do with Scout.
Alan: The dog we had. Couldn't keep it in his fur! Keep going, you're doing great.
Charlie: Jake, it's not exactly the same with people as it is with dogs.
Jake: I know... Why don't you just wear a condom?
- Permalink: Okay, let me try this again. A vasectomy is a very simple proced...
Mandy: You are so cute!
Jake: I know.
Kathleen: You got a girlfriend yet?
Jake: No, I'm a bachelor like my Uncle Charlie.
Mandy: You don't ever want to get married?
Jake [repeating Charlie's quote]: No, as long as I've got somebody to clean my house and some action on a regular basis, I don't need a wife.
Mandy: Excuse me?!?!?
Jake: Yeah, I don't want to be giving anyone half my stuff
Alan: Okay, bye-bye
- Permalink: You are so cute! I know. You got a girlfriend yet? No, I'm...
Jake: My doctor has a cow puppet.
Evelyn: Really? MD or Ph.D?
- Permalink: My doctor has a cow puppet. Really? MD or Ph.D? C-O-W
Charlie: Hey Jake, you wanna go to the bowling alley and play some air hockey today?
Jake: Sure, but you still owe me, like, $12,000 from last time.
Charlie: What are you gonna do, break my thumbs?
Jake: It wouldn't hurt your game
- Permalink: Hey Jake, you wanna go to the bowling alley and play some air ho...
Charlie: Whoa, where are you going?
Jake: Looking for my Gameboy.
Charlie: Forget your Gameboy. It's a beautiful day. You can watch TV.
Jake: I don't want to watch TV. I want to play my Gameboy and it's in your room.
Charlie: Whew! When... The parental code that unlocks the pay channels is 1234
- Permalink: Whoa, where are you going? Looking for my Gameboy. Forget yo...
Jake [referring to his mom and Aunt]: Why are they fighting?
Alan: Oh, they're not fighting, they're discussing.
Jake: I'm a child of divorce, Dad. I know the difference.
- Permalink: Why are they fighting? Oh, they're not fighting, they're discu...