Jake Harper Quotes (Page 27)
Season 1, Episode 8: "Twenty-Five Little Pre-pubers Without a Snoot-ful"
Jake: How come you're not helping mom and dad with the show?
Charlie: Well, how can I put this? Your Unclie Charlie is a professional musician, and your mom and dad...
Jake: Suck?
Charlie: Good a word as any
• Rating: Unrated
Girl: Your uncle is so lame!
Jake: No, he's not! He's cool!
Girl: He is not!
Jake: He is too! He's almost famous. He wrote the Maple Loops song!
Girl: Did not!
Charlie: Did too!
Boy: Prove it!
Charlie: See that Jaguar in the parking lot? Maple Loops!
• Rating: Unrated
Season 1, Episode 7: "If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake"
Jake: I got to see penguins and a manta ray. I got to pet a shark, and the coolest thing was the whales. They splashed everybody. You could see right through this one lady's shirt. I think she had plants.
Charlie: Implants.
Jake: Yeah, implants. I asked grandma if she had them and grandpa said, "Aw, I wish." And then she got mad at him and then they bought me ice cream
• Rating: Unrated
Season 1, Episode 6: "Did You Check With the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?"
Charlie: Jake, what's this? A phone message?
Jake: Yeah, some lady called for you.
Charlie: Who? I can't read your writing.
Jake [reading the paper]: You're a big selfish jerk.
Charlie: Ok, I know who this is. Amy—probably Amy.
Jake: Yup, Amy
• Rating: Unrated
Season 1, Episode 5: "The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up With a Hump"
Alan: Jake, for the last time, nobody got "creamed", no one won, no one lost.
Jake: Yeah except for us, twelve to two.
Charlie: Well, it doesn't matter if you win or lose, it's whether or not you beat the spread
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Season 1, Episode 4: "If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song I'm Going to Take a Nap"
Jake: These clothes look stupid.
Charlie: You're ten. No one cares
• Rating: Unrated
Jake: Uncle Charlie, why is Berta leaving?
Charlie: Why? It doesn't matter, Jake. What matters is she's gone... and we're all going to die
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Season 1, Episode 3: "Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell"
Jake: Uncle Charlie hasn't met Porky yet!
Charlie: I don't suppose that's a Rubenesque nineteen-year-old girl?
Alan: Porky's his pet guinea pig.
Charlie: You're bringing vermin into my house?
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Season 1, Episode 2: "Big Flappy Bastards"
Jake: Why do you hate your mother?
Charlie: I'll tell you all about that when you're old enough to drink
• Rating: Unrated
Charlie: What did I tell you about leaving juice boxes on my piano?
Jake: How do you know it was me?
Charlie: Oh, come on, who else around here drinks Transylvania Goofy Juice?
Jake: Good point
• Rating: 4.0 / 5.0
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Total Quotes: 275