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True-blood

Fangs are basically like twin hard-ons.

Jason: I had sex with Jessica.
Hoyt: How?
Jason: Missionary, then doggy, then her on top. I mean, it was nothin' too kinky.

Jason: You're dangerous.
Jessica: Yes I am.

Even without your blood in me, you are all I think about.

Jess: We didn't do anything wrong.
Jason: You sure?

I might be parrot-phrasing a little.

Hoyt also said he came running out of the house with no pants on, so we need to get him pants.

You've reached Officer Jason Stackhouse. If this is an emergency, dial 911 and ask for me.

These Hot Shot f---ers are so dumb they can't even make a werepanther right.

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