Modern Family
Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABCFavorite Jay Pritchett Quotes
You know, when you get a massage, you sound like a Tijuana prostitute.
This whole thing is a colossal fog cue.
There's no reason you should stay upright, but it just works.
I have to get old... you don't have to get fat.
[Jay and Manny watching Miracle on 34th Street]
Manny: Are you crying?
Jay: What are you, a robot? It's a deeply emotional movie.
Manny: Where did I hear that siren?
Jay: That was your mother screaming.
Gloria: I wasn't that bad.
Jay: Cars were pulling over.
Manny: She has a boyfriend.
Gloria: Ohh I'm sorry mi niño
Manny: I gave her my heart and she gave me a picture of me as an all time Sheriff. That was pretty stupid of me, wasn't it?
Gloria: No mi amor, It was brave right Jay, brave.
Jay: Well well, you'll know better next time, come on let's get a pretzel
Manny: In Colombia, they open presents at midnight and stay up til morning.
Jay: I'm sure they do, but if you notice from the absence of goats in the streets, we're not in Colombia.
I'm probably going to have a Latino kid carry my clubs anyway, might as well be you.
You're just mad at the old balls and chain.
Manny [about his father]: He's not afraid of anything, he doesn't wear a seat belt when he drives. He killed a bear once
Jay: Oh yeah? Was the bear in the passenger seat?
Jay: You want scary? When I was his age I lived through the Cuban Missile Crisis. I slept with a butter knife under my pillow in case I had to fight some Soviet colonel.
Gloria: Why?
Jay: Because I could identify all the Commi planes.
Gloria: What are we talking about?!?
