To this day, Mitchell looks at me, I see him thinking 'that's the guy who killed Flyza Minnelli.'

I've been through this before. When Mitchell was 9, I was supposed to take care of his bird. It got out and flew into a fan. It was like a bloody pillow fight.

Go to dinner with him and wait for the check to come, then you'll see fear in his eyes. It's like the waiter's a ghost.

Manny: Today feels like a good day for halibut. Hey, Jay, did I ever tell you about the time I used peanut butter and jelly for bait?
Jay: I don't know. You tell me a lot of funny things.

Gloria: What about the pigeons?
Jay: I don't like them. They're shifty.

I only understand about 20% of what goes on around here.

I could have guessed he'd have trouble with roller coasters. That kid gets woozy at barbershops when they spin his chair towards the mirror.

I have to get old... you don't have to get fat.

I mean, for me it's a locker room. For him, it's a showroom.

Cameron: Don't tell me that was your first moon landing.
Jay: You have a name for it?!?

We're guys, we don't open up. We talk about sports and cars and getting up in the middle of the night to pee.

He lost his monocle on the drive. Head was out the window.