Modern Family
Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABCJay Pritchett Quotes
Cameron [in a high-pitched voice]: I swear to God Im gonna break it!
Jay: Do not break the window, you're gonna get glass on her
Woman [on the phone]: Sir, please tell your wife to calm down, everything's gonna be okay.
Jay: That's a man
Woman: Really?
Gloria: Hay is very spontaneous. He's always surprising me with little presents, fun getaways
Jay: I wasn't the greatest husband the first time around. I'm trying to do better this time around. And maybe by my third marriage I'll have it down pat. Yeah, that one's gonna cost me
Manny: How's my hair?
Jay: Hold on, what are you wearing there? That looks like an old Christmas tree skirt
Manny: It's a traditional Colombian pioncho, I want my new classmates to know I'm proud of my heritage
Gloria: I think you look very handsome, lindo!
Jay: Oh really? Am I driving him to school or is he gonna ride his burro?
Gloria: Who's side are you on?
Jay: She's my daughter, you're my wife. Let's remember what's important, there's a football game on today
Jay: I don't like watching football with people that don't care about the game, they talk
Manny: You talk during my football games
Jay: For one thing it's called soccer and your team scored two goals all season, I'm not risking much
Jay [to Manny]: Let's go buddy, it's school time. Oh, and Gloria, if you want to get together with the girls later I can just, you know, watch the football game or something.
Manny: That means he wants to watch a football game.
Jay: I'm not talkin' to you. And what're you drinking coffee for anyway?
Manny: It's my culture, I'm Colombian.
Jay: Oh yeah, what part of Colombia are those French toaster sticks from?
Jay: No, see this is exactly why we sweep things under the rug. So, people don't get hurt.
Phil: Well, yeah, until you sweep too much under the rug. Then you have a lumpy rug... creates a tripping hazard...and open yourself up to lawsuits. Boy, you can go a really long time without blinking
Gloria: Jay, I'm home. Did Manny call?
Jay: No, because he's fine. It was a slumber party, not a gang fight.
Jay: What's up!
Mitchell: Uh, well you know, uh, moms in town.
Jay: Your mom?
Mitchell: No, no your mom. She's back from the grave. Yes, yes my mom, dad.
Jay: My mom would be less scary
Phil [to Manny]: Nice moustache
Jay: Don't make fun of him or he'll burn your house down
Gloria: I'm taking a shower, would you like to join me?
Jay: Honey, you know there's a gun in the footlocker in the garage, if I ever say no, I want you to use it on me
Phil: If things have gone differently in my life I could have been a pilot.... What would happen if you turn the remote off and on right again?
Jay: Yeah, you would have made a great pilot
