Manny: She's having her hair blown out.
Jay: That's a thing? That I pay for?

Jay: I won't be able to hear her, she won't be able to see me.
Gloria: Well be together forever!

You'd rather kill your husband than admit you need glasses?

Manny got into a fight at The Sound of Music, got kicked out, I've never been so proud.

What ever happened to letting kids be themselves?

Gloria (whispers): It's the curse.
Jay: Not that I ever want to discourage you from whispering, but that's not a thing.

They keep their tools in a pillowcase but they have an occasions closet.

If he doesn't go to Columbia, Columbia comes to me.

I'm down there for a funeral. It's such a sad event and I end up finding something that I thought was lost forever. This beautiful moment that meant so much to both of us, set against the backdrop of fighting commies. There's your movie.

I was shipping off to Vietnam, you had the ass of a young Ann Margaret.

Manny: What kind of man writes poetry on the computer?
Jay: You could've ended that sentence after poetry.

Gloria: He's a lying, scheming little sneak. That's my son.
Jay: Our son.

Modern Family Quotes

You could pretend to get sick at the table. You know cough, stomachache, dealer's choice, I don't care just sell it.

Mitchell

Thank you Uncle Manny!

Haley