"El Toro Grande"? I'm not familiar with this brand.

Once when we were dating, Elliot asked me to urinate on her!

Elliot: J.D., I really don't wanna do this. Can't we just go home, and put on our PJs and watch "Grey's Anatomy"?
J.D.: Oh, I do love that show. It's like they've been watching our lives and just... put it on TV.

Elliot: You know, I actually like Julie. So, don't do that thing you always do.
J.D.: If you're referring to the game "Find the Saltine", relax. I don't even play that with Turk anymore.
(Later)
Turk: Behind your ear.
J.D.: (Withdrawing Saltine from behind his ear) My friend, you have found the Saltine. Uh, but, don't tell Elliot we're still playing.

Elliot: Don't go to quickly, or like I said, you'll just end up with another beautiful girl.
J.D.: Dating my laptop.
Elliot: Dating your laptop. Thank you.

Elliot: So I guess your date sucked, huh?
J.D.: HA! Why don't you ask her if our date sucked? She's in my room.
Elliot: Twenty bucks says you blow it in less than five minutes.
J.D.: Unlikely. 'Cause what's waiting for me in my room is what's known in football terms as a slam dunk. (Pantomiming a tennis racket swing)
Elliot: One Mississippi. Two Mississippi.
Julie: It's soooo late, I have to get going. I have a dog and a fish. I have to walk them and feed them and stuff. I'm Julie. Hi.
Elliot: I was Elliot. (To J.D.) Twenty bucks, pleeeease.

Stay away from my girlfriend, Elliot! And stay away from my J.D. wigs!

Fine. I may have told her that she smells like my Mom. Which, by the way, I still maintain as a compliment.

J.D.: Can you believe we've been talking for two hours?
Julie: Seriously?
J.D.: Nah, while you were in the bathroom I set the clocks two hours ahead so you'd think time was just flying by.
Julie: Really? While I was in the bathroom, I wrote my name in the mirror with my finger so the next time you took a hot shower and it fogged up, you'd think ghosts were telling you to be with me.

J.D.'s narration: So I had to use Elliot's advice with Julie. Luckily, she's not great at gloating.
Elliot: Ha ha you had sex last night with a beautiful girl you really like.
J.D.'s narration: Sometimes she needs a little help.
J.D.: You probably meant to say if it weren't for you, I'd still be dating my laptop.
Elliot: Right! In your face! Thank you.

J.D.: I know, I haven't hit it in awhile but there's good reason for that.
Dr. Cox: Two good reasons: his face and his personality.

E.liot: Yeah, I'm sure you said something that sucked the romance out of the moment. You used to do that all the time when we were dating.
J.D.: Like when?
(Flashback to J.D. and Elliot in bed)
J.D.: Are you getting thicker, you feel thicker?

Scrubs Quotes

Perry, what has two thumbs and still doesn't give a crap? Bob Kelso! I thought we'd met.

Dr. Kelso

J.D.: Kudos on the nice pooper.
Ron: Thank you.
J.D.: Mine's firm like mutton.
Ron: Lovely.