"El Toro Grande"? I'm not familiar with this brand.

You think you're better than me? With your rock hard abs and your dynamite areolas, well you're not.

In J.D.'s room
Janitor: I come by here a couple times a week and move stuff around. Turn off his alarm. Maybe cut his bangs.
Dr. Cox: You're clearly in need of help but darn it, I'm not gonna give it to you. How sound a sleeper do you think he is?
Janitor: Well, watch this.
Janitor hits the bed and J.D. sits up then lies down again
J.D.: Why?

E.liot: Yeah, I'm sure you said something that sucked the romance out of the moment. You used to do that all the time when we were dating.
J.D.: Like when?
(Flashback to J.D. and Elliot in bed)
J.D.: Are you getting thicker, you feel thicker?

J.D.: Can you believe we've been talking for two hours?
Julie: Seriously?
J.D.: Nah, while you were in the bathroom I set the clocks two hours ahead so you'd think time was just flying by.
Julie: Really? While I was in the bathroom, I wrote my name in the mirror with my finger so the next time you took a hot shower and it fogged up, you'd think ghosts were telling you to be with me.

All right Mrs. Nickels, your new hip is on the house 'cause this girl is smoking!

Elliot: Don't go to quickly, or like I said, you'll just end up with another beautiful girl.
J.D.: Dating my laptop.
Elliot: Dating your laptop. Thank you.

Stay away from my girlfriend, Elliot! And stay away from my J.D. wigs!

Elliot: So I guess your date sucked, huh?
J.D.: HA! Why don't you ask her if our date sucked? She's in my room.
Elliot: Twenty bucks says you blow it in less than five minutes.
J.D.: Unlikely. 'Cause what's waiting for me in my room is what's known in football terms as a slam dunk. (Pantomiming a tennis racket swing)
Elliot: One Mississippi. Two Mississippi.
Julie: It's soooo late, I have to get going. I have a dog and a fish. I have to walk them and feed them and stuff. I'm Julie. Hi.
Elliot: I was Elliot. (To J.D.) Twenty bucks, pleeeease.

J.D.: Sticks and stones may break my bones...
J.D.'s Narration: ...but words will hurt forever.

Why would Julie just take off like that? I bet my body intimidated her. That's it! I'm selling that Bowflex on Craig's List.

J.D.: By the way, Julie's here but I'm not going to kiss and tell.
Elliot: Oh really? Cause I just got your text that said "bone city".
J.D.: Oh really? That came through?

Scrubs Quotes

... Turk, Turk, Turk, Turk. I can't talk right now! I'm at your wedding.

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Doug: How long do I have to stay up here?
Janitor: Just until I finish pretending to read the newspaper. Hm! Apparently there was some sort of election held recently.