A whole week of sleep, you're going to have some killer bed head. I'm nervous, I'm sorry. I love bed head, see?

J.D. comes in, in pain
Keith: You ok, Dr. Dorian?
J.D.: Keith, it's like you're begging me to hate you.
Keith: I don't feel like I am.
J.D.: You can't stop, can you?

Elliot: J.D., I really don't wanna do this. Can't we just go home, and put on our PJs and watch "Grey's Anatomy"?
J.D.: Oh, I do love that show. It's like they've been watching our lives and just... put it on TV.

J.D.: Sticks and stones may break my bones...
J.D.'s Narration: ...but words will hurt forever.

Julie gets up to leave, drops her water in Elliot's spaghetti, hits Elliot in the back of the head with her purse, then hits her face with the napkin container
Julie: Oh my gosh, oh my gosh! I am so sorry!
Elliot: Oh no, it happens.
J.D.: It does, it happens.

J.D.: I know, I haven't hit it in awhile but there's good reason for that.
Dr. Cox: Two good reasons: his face and his personality.

J.D.'s narration: So I had to use Elliot's advice with Julie. Luckily, she's not great at gloating.
Elliot: Ha ha you had sex last night with a beautiful girl you really like.
J.D.'s narration: Sometimes she needs a little help.
J.D.: You probably meant to say if it weren't for you, I'd still be dating my laptop.
Elliot: Right! In your face! Thank you.

Why would Julie just take off like that? I bet my body intimidated her. That's it! I'm selling that Bowflex on Craig's List.

Elliot: You know, I actually like Julie. So, don't do that thing you always do.
J.D.: If you're referring to the game "Find the Saltine", relax. I don't even play that with Turk anymore.
(Later)
Turk: Behind your ear.
J.D.: (Withdrawing Saltine from behind his ear) My friend, you have found the Saltine. Uh, but, don't tell Elliot we're still playing.

Elliot: Don't go to quickly, or like I said, you'll just end up with another beautiful girl.
J.D.: Dating my laptop.
Elliot: Dating your laptop. Thank you.

E.liot: Yeah, I'm sure you said something that sucked the romance out of the moment. You used to do that all the time when we were dating.
J.D.: Like when?
(Flashback to J.D. and Elliot in bed)
J.D.: Are you getting thicker, you feel thicker?

Stay away from my girlfriend, Elliot! And stay away from my J.D. wigs!

Scrubs Quotes

Was she always wearing that big hat?

Dr. Cox

Giddyup, Dr. Dorkian!

Danni