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J.D.: Your hero Keith here, forgot to check the blood levels on Mr. Joy this morning and guess what? He's dead. Way to go, Keith.
Keith: I've never even seen this guy before.
J.D.: Oh! Way to get to know your patients there, murderer.
Doug: There's Mr. Joy. J.D., did you steal him from the morgue?
J.D.: I left a note on the decapitated guy's stump that I'd have him back by 2. It's 1:45!

Once when we were dating, Elliot asked me to urinate on her!

Elliot: J.D., I really don't wanna do this. Can't we just go home, and put on our PJs and watch "Grey's Anatomy"?
J.D.: Oh, I do love that show. It's like they've been watching our lives and just... put it on TV.

Thanks for doing that. I wanted a picture of us old, you know, that way if one of us dies in a tragic skiing accident we'll always have that memory of us together.

J.D.: How did you know I'd move too fast with Julie?
Elliot: Because I know you!
Dr. Cox: How do you know that I can be that kind of dad?
Carla: Because I know you!
Turk: How did you that Kelso just wanted respect?
Janitor: Because I know him!
Todd: (Watching in the security cameras) Wow! This is so cool!

J.D.'s narration: So I had to use Elliot's advice with Julie. Luckily, she's not great at gloating.
Elliot: Ha ha you had sex last night with a beautiful girl you really like.
J.D.'s narration: Sometimes she needs a little help.
J.D.: You probably meant to say if it weren't for you, I'd still be dating my laptop.
Elliot: Right! In your face! Thank you.

Julie gets up to leave, drops her water in Elliot's spaghetti, hits Elliot in the back of the head with her purse, then hits her face with the napkin container
Julie: Oh my gosh, oh my gosh! I am so sorry!
Elliot: Oh no, it happens.
J.D.: It does, it happens.

Why would Julie just take off like that? I bet my body intimidated her. That's it! I'm selling that Bowflex on Craig's List.

Elliot: You know, I actually like Julie. So, don't do that thing you always do.
J.D.: If you're referring to the game "Find the Saltine", relax. I don't even play that with Turk anymore.
(Later)
Turk: Behind your ear.
J.D.: (Withdrawing Saltine from behind his ear) My friend, you have found the Saltine. Uh, but, don't tell Elliot we're still playing.

Elliot: Don't go to quickly, or like I said, you'll just end up with another beautiful girl.
J.D.: Dating my laptop.
Elliot: Dating your laptop. Thank you.

Fine. I may have told her that she smells like my Mom. Which, by the way, I still maintain as a compliment.

J.D.: By the way, Julie's here but I'm not going to kiss and tell.
Elliot: Oh really? Cause I just got your text that said "bone city".
J.D.: Oh really? That came through?

Displaying quotes 109 - 120 of 1681 in total

Scrubs Quotes

J.D.: My man Turk, is getting it daily and nightly and ever so rightly! Ah! What up, dogg!
J.D.'s narration: Once every 4.2 seconds a man says something stupid that a woman hears and punishes him for... luckily, this wasn't one of those times.
Carla: What did you just say?
J.D.: "What up...dogg?"

And there it was, the moment where pity was turning into genuine affection - classic Dorian.

J.D.