J.D.: Why is it impossible for you to ever let anything go?
Elliot: Oh, I let tons of stuff go; like when you wouldn't stand up for me in front of Dr. Cox. Or when you started telling everyone we know that we're having sex.
J.D.: And when are you-when are you letting that stuff go?
Elliot: Fine. You wanna know why I won't let that go? Because the only reason that you wouldn't stand up for me is that you're so terrified that someone, somewhere, in this hospital won't like you.
J.D.: Oh, and that's a bad thing? That's a bad thing, Elliot? Why don't-why don't we get all of my friends together in a room and we'll fight your friend

Things that wouldn't have bothered you a week ago in a friendship become so incredibly important when sex is involved. I just...I think it'd be easier if you weren't friends with your girlfriend... At all

J.D.: I can't believe today's over.
Elliot: I can't believe I ate half a pizza.
J.D.: Oh please, Elliot, I had, like, two pieces.
Elliot: If you tell anyone anything about today, please leave that part out

Elliot: Mr. Barns has been admitted for substance abuse three times in the past year.
J.D.: Yeah, but he said he quit.
Dr. Cox: Oh, the addict said he quit? Why wouldn't you tell me something like that, 'cause, don't you see, that changes everything.
J.D.: I believe in Mr. Barns.
Dr. Cox: Look it newbie. Just because you have a new girlfriend doesn't meant that the world has suddenly turned into a giant green M&M. The Red Sox still suck, they do. Barbie here still can't decide what to do with those annoying bangs, and addicts everywhere will still lie, cheat and steal just to get a fix. Now you've got to wake up sweetheart! You're gonna be late for school! Aww you wet the bed! Why can't I have a normal child without these problems

Turk: So, who'd you side with, Elliot or Alex?
J.D.: Neither; I just pretended I was paged, and then when they said they didn't hear anything, I called them both liars and ran away.
Turk: Smooth.
J.D.: Yeah. It's just, you know, they both have a point...
Turk: Stick to the booty principle.
J.D.: What's that?
Turk: The booty principle: Which one do you want to sleep with?
J.D.: Alex.
Turk: Then I think she might be right

Alex: You are so different from the guys I usually go out with.
J.D.: How so?
Alex: Well, for starters... I'm still wearing pants.
J.D.: Yeah, well, that is because I respect you.
Alex: Oh, yeah?
J.D.: Yeah. And also, this triple-knot, I couldn't get out

J.D.: You remember, like, when the new 'Star Wars' movie came out, and it was all built up, and then people went to see it and it really wasn't that great in bed?
Alex: Relax! The first one's a freebie, so you can get your form back

J.D.: All right, I should've done this a long time ago; so, here goes: I'm sorry. I shouldn't accuse you of being jealous, you were just looking out for me, and...you were right about Alex.
Elliot: You never did sleep with her, did you?
J.D.: No... But, why does that matter?
Elliot: Because I was jealous

Dr. Cox: How'd you drop the on it this time, and don't tell me you cried or I'm gonna have you banned from the men's room again.
J.D.: I was just so excited about what we were doing here last night, I just forgot all about our date.
Dr. Cox: You didn't forget, you kept looking at your watch, I saw you. I just naturally assumed you were just afraid of missing Judging Amy. It never occured to me that you were choosing work over being with that sweet little biscuit you stupid pissant.
J.D.: You know that means a lot coming from you mister, right here with me two hours after his shift also and last Monday night too... guy.
Dr. Cox: What?
J.D.: You heard me.
Dr. Cox: Newbie, what are you sayin'? That you wanna be like me? Understand that I just barely wanna be like me

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