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I teach law at Greendale, so believe me, I don't know much about law.

Jeff: I'm not dreaming about settling down.
Annie: Maybe you already have. You're teaching, you like it, you love Greendale--
Jeff: No, I love scotch and myself. I tolerate Greendale.

Subway Rep: So you're teaching Fundamentals of Law here?
Jeff: Yeah.
Subway Rep: Do you think you could make the transition to teaching Sandwich Law? It's essentially the same, I'm sure. Just a bit more focused.

Let's do what people do. Let's get a house we can't afford and a dog that makes us angry.

I'm Neo in the third act of The Matrix. I'm also Neo in the first act of the second Matrix.

Jeff/ Wingman

Shirley: Why are there books in the an air vent?
Jeff: Why is there hot sauce in the bathroom? It's Greendale!

As long as you're happy...I'm unsettled.

There already was a rating system in place, it was called 'Cool People Get More,' and it was working fine.

Britta: Do you feel like this game's gotten out of hand?
Jeff: Nah. Feels normal enough for a school that's on 911's blocked caller list.

Troy and Abed: Troy and Abed are in mourning!
Jeff: Will you guys please stop doing that?
Annie: I can't believe you did it during your eulogy. SO UNCOMFORTABLE.
Abed: I don't think the audience got that we were singing "mourning" with a "u."
Troy: You were singing :"mourning" with a "u"? Oh no!

The teachers here are teachers because they did something wrong--same as the students!

Shut up, Leonard. Nice earring--you look like the road manager of the California Raisins.

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 246 in total

Community Quotes

Annie: The midterm dance will need a visual theme. Like, 'Let's blow off steam,' and it's trains!
Chang: I have an idea!
Annie: Chang, your last idea was to murder.

Maintenance Guy: Sorry, routine light switch check.
Jeff: That is not a thing!

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