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I teach law at Greendale, so believe me, I don't know much about law.

Jeff: I'm not dreaming about settling down.
Annie: Maybe you already have. You're teaching, you like it, you love Greendale--
Jeff: No, I love scotch and myself. I tolerate Greendale.

Subway Rep: So you're teaching Fundamentals of Law here?
Jeff: Yeah.
Subway Rep: Do you think you could make the transition to teaching Sandwich Law? It's essentially the same, I'm sure. Just a bit more focused.

Let's do what people do. Let's get a house we can't afford and a dog that makes us angry.

I'm Neo in the third act of The Matrix. I'm also Neo in the first act of the second Matrix.

Jeff/ Wingman

Shirley: Why are there books in the an air vent?
Jeff: Why is there hot sauce in the bathroom? It's Greendale!

As long as you're happy...I'm unsettled.

There already was a rating system in place, it was called 'Cool People Get More,' and it was working fine.

Britta: Do you feel like this game's gotten out of hand?
Jeff: Nah. Feels normal enough for a school that's on 911's blocked caller list.

Troy and Abed: Troy and Abed are in mourning!
Jeff: Will you guys please stop doing that?
Annie: I can't believe you did it during your eulogy. SO UNCOMFORTABLE.
Abed: I don't think the audience got that we were singing "mourning" with a "u."
Troy: You were singing :"mourning" with a "u"? Oh no!

The teachers here are teachers because they did something wrong--same as the students!

Shut up, Leonard. Nice earring--you look like the road manager of the California Raisins.

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Community Quotes

Troy: I think I'm failing psychopharmacology.
Britta: Why are you taking that?
Troy: I thought it was a class about crazy farm animals.

Sensible night, appropriate night.
Snow on ground, left and right.
Round yon purchase of decorative things.
Tolerant rewrite of carols to sing.
Function with relative ease,
Function with relative ease.

Shirley [sung to the tune of "Silent Night"]