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Jeff: If you're lying to me, if my father isn't coming, if a car pulls up and anyone other than my father steps out, say an actor or you in a wig, if you pull any Ferris Bueller, Parent Trap, Three's Company, FX, FX2: the Deadly Art of Illusion bull--- I will beat you. And there will be nothing madcap or wacky about it.

Pierce, take it from an expert. These people are just outside your heart. Let them in, before it's too late.

What is it about me that make broken people flock to me? Is it my height? Do huddled masses mistake me for the statue of liberty?

Jeff: What are you doing here Change and how do you know where I live?
Chang: I can answer both of those questions by returning your driver's license.

He also listens to the Barenaked Ladies. Go get their dumbasses to help you.

Pierce: I don't like being excluded Jeff. Do you?
Jeff: Yes!

Jeff: What am I not good at?
Britta: Sex.

We just created 50 potential meth heads, and the least we can do is hit the reset button and get that number down to the national average.

He sent her an emotipenis.

Abed: What are you doing?
Jeff: Dragging Britta kicking and screaming into 1997.

Abed: We really should start learning people's names.
Jeff: I agree with the brown Jamie Lee Curtis.

Oh I'm serious, baby. I am Yahoo Serious. I'm Serious FM. Welcome to the world serious of seriousness sponsored by Honey Nut Seerioes.

Displaying quotes 109 - 120 of 246 in total

Community Quotes

Sensible night, appropriate night.
Snow on ground, left and right.
Round yon purchase of decorative things.
Tolerant rewrite of carols to sing.
Function with relative ease,
Function with relative ease.

Shirley [sung to the tune of "Silent Night"]

Annie: The midterm dance will need a visual theme. Like, 'Let's blow off steam,' and it's trains!
Chang: I have an idea!
Annie: Chang, your last idea was to murder.