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Community

Harrison Ford is irradiating our testicles with microwave satellite transmissions!

Jeff: It's not you, it's me.
Britta: It's you.

Jeff: It's called chemistry. I have it with everybody.
Shirley: Everybody? I haven't felt any of that chemistry coming my way. I don't know if it's because your racist or because I intimidate you sexually, but I know it's one of those two.

Abed, you're a computer. Scan your mainframe for some juicy memories.

Troy: Didn't we decide at the beginning of the year that for the good of the group we wouldn't allow any intimacy between each other or ourselves?
Jeff: We never said ourselves.
Troy: Ok, now I'm really mad!

Pierce: Who is the dumpling with the nice Asian pair?
Jeff: I think that's the first time sexism has made me hungry.

Jeff: I'd like to offer my sincere congratulations. It's hard enough to find people you can stand in this life, let alone someone willing to stomach your imminent dementia and present incontinence.
Pierce: Thank you, Jeff. I just hope she can satisfy me. I'm like an insatiable baboon in the bedroom.
Jeff: Don't sell yourself short. You're a baboon everywhere.

It's got to be better than wine tasting with Pierce. He refused to drink Pinot Noir because he thought it was French for "black penis."

You know who has real conversations? Ants. They talk by vomiting chemicals in each other's mouths. They get right down to brass tacks

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