You're not worth the monologue.

Guys like you should be more scared, you trust-funded, body-spray, Eli Roth DVD-owner.

Repo man: Maybe you should have spent less money on special effects.
Jeff: Thanks a lot, Francis Ford Repo Man.

Britta: When's the graduation ceremony?
Jeff: Never. It's community college. You send in some papers and they stop charging you.

Well, it's official--it's on a banner.

Annie, why are you acting like a mistress in a Lifetime movie?

I've spent almost four years here, growing and changing and making dioramas.

Abed, we don't have origin stories, we have lives. At least...yup, just me.

Dean Pelton: Which is to say that having Jeffrey inside of me-
Jeff: No one was inside of anyone!
Dean Pelton: -was wrong. To have Jeffrey inside of me.

Shirley: Is this a bad time?
Dean Pelton (speaking as Jeff): I'm at Greendale, stuck in the body of a man who could be Gollum, so yeah, I'd say it's half past suck.

Maintenance Guy: Sorry, routine light switch check.
Jeff: That is not a thing!

Pierce: What do you want me to do?
Jeff: Stay alive...or don't!
Pierce: I'm on it!

Community Quotes

I'm sorry Annie. I'm not the worker-bee type. I'm more of a silver back gorilla with the claws of a lion, the teeth of a shark and the quiet dignity of a tortoise.

Jeff

Abed: If you were a post-apocalyptic survivor--
Professor Hickey: I would raise goats, hoard cinnamon, and only travel at night. But please--I have some work to do here.