You're not worth the monologue.

Guys like you should be more scared, you trust-funded, body-spray, Eli Roth DVD-owner.

Repo man: Maybe you should have spent less money on special effects.
Jeff: Thanks a lot, Francis Ford Repo Man.

Britta: When's the graduation ceremony?
Jeff: Never. It's community college. You send in some papers and they stop charging you.

Well, it's official--it's on a banner.

Annie, why are you acting like a mistress in a Lifetime movie?

I've spent almost four years here, growing and changing and making dioramas.

Abed, we don't have origin stories, we have lives. At least...yup, just me.

Dean Pelton: Which is to say that having Jeffrey inside of me-
Jeff: No one was inside of anyone!
Dean Pelton: -was wrong. To have Jeffrey inside of me.

Shirley: Is this a bad time?
Dean Pelton (speaking as Jeff): I'm at Greendale, stuck in the body of a man who could be Gollum, so yeah, I'd say it's half past suck.

Maintenance Guy: Sorry, routine light switch check.
Jeff: That is not a thing!

Pierce: What do you want me to do?
Jeff: Stay alive...or don't!
Pierce: I'm on it!

Community Quotes

Annie: The midterm dance will need a visual theme. Like, 'Let's blow off steam,' and it's trains!
Chang: I have an idea!
Annie: Chang, your last idea was to murder.

Jeff: You were born 21 years ago.
Troy: Which would make me 20, because everyone is 10 for two years. Because fifth grade is really hard for every...one. Mom how many lies have I been living!?