Thursdays 8:00 PM on NBC

You ruined Christmas dinner so that you could be crowned the smartest person at the dumbest school?

So this is how Greendale graduates end up--as transient mountain men. Not as bad as I thought.

As someone who faked being a lawyer for seven years, I appreciate your commitment to the bit.

Hey Britta, where's Sophie B.? Is she backstage, drinking Zima and counting out Beanie Babies?

I'm gonna go get a sandwich, which, unlike "changnesia," is real.

I am not well-adjusted. More often than not, I am barely keeping it together. I am constantly texting...and there is no one at the other end.

William: So, how about we make a couple of ground rules.
Jeff: Actually, that sounds good. Okay, no hugs.
William: Wouldn't want one. No apologies.
Jeff: Wouldn't accept one.

Britta: Psychology tells us there are no accidents.
Jeff: What about car accidents, Tara Reid, or the Hindenburg?

Jeff: I thought I told you to stop reading my emails.
Dean Pelton: Well, I thought I told you to stop keeping secrets!

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