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Dolores: Oh, Jerry.
Jerry: Oh...you.

Produce section. Very provocative area. A lot of melons and shapes. Everyone's squeezing and smelling

Y'know I remember when I was a kid growing up, kids would make fun of my name like you wouldn't believe - 'Jerry Jerry Dingleberry', 'Seinsmelled'

Elaine: I never knew you were so into breasts. I thought you were a leg man.
Jerry: A leg man? Why would I be a leg man? I don't need legs. I have legs.

Elaine: Come on. Don't you think they seem a bit too perfect?Jerry: Yes they do!

Kramer: Come on, what's wrong with my boys?
Jerry: Your boys should stay in their neighborhood.

I usually last about ten minutes on the stairmaster. Unless, of course, there's someone stretching in front of me in a leotard, then I can go an hour. That's why they call it the stairmaster. You get up there and you stare.

Jerry: The agency sent me.
Mr. Fields: The agency, what agency? The CIA?

George: Let me ask you something... What do you do for a living, Newman?Newman: I'm a United States postal worker.George: Aren't those the guys that always go crazy and come back with a gun and shoot everybody?Newman: Sometimes.Jerry: Why is that?Newman: Because the mail never stops. It just keeps coming and coming and coming. There's never a letup, It's relentless. Every day it piles up more and more, but the more you get out, the more it keeps coming. And then the bar code reader breaks. And then it's Publisher's Clearinghouse day.Jerry: All right, all right.

I HATE my guyhe's a mean, MEAN guy!

George: What kind of a person are you?
Jerry: I think I'm pretty much like you, only successful.

George: Two tickets to "Guys And Dolls"! I'm gonna go with you!
Jerry: "Guys And Dolls"? Isn't that a lavish, Broadway musical?
George: It's "Guys And Dolls," not "Guys And Guys."

Displaying quotes 37 - 48 of 496 in total

Seinfeld Quotes

Elaine: I never knew you were so into breasts. I thought you were a leg man.
Jerry: A leg man? Why would I be a leg man? I don't need legs. I have legs.

I can't get a massage from a man.

George