Jerry Seinfeld Quotes
(to Kramer) You're like Lex Luthor!
- Permalink: You're like Lex Luthor!
Kramer: Well Newman jumped last night.
Jerry: What? Did you talk to him? What did you say?
Kramer: I said 'Wave when you pass my window.'
- Permalink: Well Newman jumped last night. What? Did you talk to him? What...
Jerry: (about the laundromat's "Not Responsible For Items Lost Or Stolen" sign) Oh, I see, so you put up a sign and you can steal whatever you want. You're not a part of society.
Laundromat Owner: That's right, cause this is my country, I'm the president, and that's my constitution: "I'm not responsible."
- Permalink: Oh, I see, so you put up a sign and you can steal whatever you w...
So, anybody leaves anything here, you can just take it? You have a license to steal? You are like the James Bond of laundry?
- Permalink: So, anybody leaves anything here, you can just take it? You have...
George: I like sports. I could do something in sports.
Jerry: Uh-huh. Uh-huh. In what capacity?
George: You know, like the general manager of a baseball team or something.
Jerry: Yeah. Well, that - that could be tough to get.
George: Well, it doesn't even have to be the general manager. Maybe I could be like, an announcer. Like a colour man. You know how I always make those interesting comments during the game.
Jerry: Yeah. Yeah. You make good comments.
George: What about that?
Jerry: Well, they tend to give those jobs to ex-ballplayers and people that are, you know, in broadcasting.
George: Well, that's really not fair.
Jerry: I know. Well, okay. Okay. What else do you like?
George: Movies. I like to watch movies.
Jerry: Yeah. Yeah.
George: Do they pay people to watch movies?
George: That's true.
Jerry: But you gotta know how to work the projector.
Jerry: And it's probably a union thing.
George: (scoffs) Those unions. (sighs) Okay. Sports, movies what about a talk show host?
Jerry: Talk show host. That's good.
George: I think I'd be good at that. I talk to people all the time. Someone even told me once they thought I'd be a good talk show host.
George: Yeah. A couple of people. I don't get that, though. Where do you start?
Jerry: Well, that's where it gets tricky.
George: You can't just walk into a building and say "I wanna be a talk show host".
Jerry: I wouldn't think so.
George: It's all politics.
Jerry: All right, okay. Sports, movies, talk show host. What else?
George: This could have been a huge mistake.
Jerry: Well, it doesn't sound like you completely thought this through.
- Permalink: I like sports. I could do something in sports. Uh-huh. Uh-huh....
George: I'm emotional!
Jerry: That's right. You're emotional!
- Permalink: I'm emotional! That's right. You're emotional!
George: Students can't clean. It's anathema. (explaining) They don't like it.
Jerry: How long have you been waiting to squeeze that into a conversation?
- Permalink: Students can't clean. It's anathema. They don't like it. How ...
Jerry: Hey, you know, you owe me one.
Jerry: The Ink-A-Dink. You were "It"!
George: "It"'s bad?
Jerry: "It's" very bad!
- Permalink: Hey, you know, you owe me one. What? The Ink-A-Dink. You wer...
Jerry: My mother. (chuckling) She forgot how to make French toast. You know how mothers are.
Rava: My mother left us when I was six years old--all seven of us. We never heard from her again. I hope she's rotting in an alley somewhere.
Jerry: My mom's down in Florida.
- Permalink: My mother. She forgot how to make French toast. You know how mo...