I'm single and sufficient.

Jess: You've always wanted a thing, so maybe this is your thing. The guy with no phone.
Nick: But who is that guy!?

Actually, I don't trust what "cool" means to all of you, so how about just " be normal".

What's going on? Why is the cast of The Social Network in our apartment?

Guess what you guys? My shoes are filled with blood!

You've all thought about me while self-completing!?

I would have lasted two seconds in the court of the sun king. I think about that all the time.

Sorry. I've never heard you talk about your ex wife, and I got really nervous, and I tried to flirt information out of you.

Sarah: Do you and my Dad ever dry-lump?
Jess: Uhhh..
Sarah: Have you ever done a 99?
Jess: I think that's a tax form?
Sarah: Have you ever given anyone a plow job?
Jess: I don't know....do you want to learn how to play Bridge?

Jess: Nick put on some pants or at least some really high socks.
Nick: Really high socks it is then!

Do you have like a box of charity phones you're sending to Africa? Can he just have one of those?

Paul: Now I know what Bill Clinton feels like!
Jess: Now I know what Monica Lewinsky feels like!
Paul: I'm sorry I made you feel like Monica Lewinsky!

New Girl Quotes

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.


Get rid of it, Jess. Pine has no place in this loft. It's the wood of poor people and outhouses.