I know I'm gullible because a lot of people tell me that and I have no reason not to believe them.

"Hubba, hubba, mama in trubba."

Jess: You've always wanted a thing, so maybe this is your thing. The guy with no phone.
Nick: But who is that guy!?

What's going on? Why is the cast of The Social Network in our apartment?

Guess what you guys? My shoes are filled with blood!

You've all thought about me while self-completing!?

Sorry. I've never heard you talk about your ex wife, and I got really nervous, and I tried to flirt information out of you.

Actually, I don't trust what "cool" means to all of you, so how about just " be normal".

Sarah: Do you and my Dad ever dry-lump?
Jess: Uhhh..
Sarah: Have you ever done a 99?
Jess: I think that's a tax form?
Sarah: Have you ever given anyone a plow job?
Jess: I don't know....do you want to learn how to play Bridge?

Jess: Nick put on some pants or at least some really high socks.
Nick: Really high socks it is then!

I would have lasted two seconds in the court of the sun king. I think about that all the time.

Do you have like a box of charity phones you're sending to Africa? Can he just have one of those?

New Girl Quotes

Destiny might be a lady, but victory has a penis.

Schmidt

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick