Nick, I never thought I'd say this, but I need to be alone with Prince.

I'm in a limo! I wish I had really long legs so I could stretch 'em out the length of the limo!

Jess: Have you guys been baking?
Coach: Aww, nah--a bakery downtown exploded, don't bother looking into it, it's not on the internet.

Do not challenge me to a sex stand-off. I can channel all of my sexual energy into knitting. How do you think I made it through high school?

Nick: I'm gonna have to turn off the tap!
Jess: What tap?
Nick: The sex tap!
Jess: But I need my vitamin D!

Jess: Nothin' but net!
Coach: Traditionally, that refers to hitting nothing but the inside of the net.

Jess: So Nick doesn't have a traditional career.
Nick: Or is it the MOST traditional career? Or am I thinking of prostitution?

I thought you said you were afraid of camping and nature. You said you were afraid a fly was going to fly in your head and learn all your thoughts.

Nick doesn't have a life plan. He doesn't have a day plan. I once found a note that he wrote to himself that said, "Put on pants."

I call it a "Temple Grandin," because it makes me friendly and compassionate.

Nick isn't even a man. He's some kind of man-boy, man-child hybrid. The other day, I had to tell him not to pull a dog's tail.

Schmidt, you stole my toothpaste while I was using it. That's vindictive.

New Girl Quotes

Get rid of it, Jess. Pine has no place in this loft. It's the wood of poor people and outhouses.

Schmidt

Beans are nothing but soggy nuts!

Schmidt