Nick doesn't have a life plan. He doesn't have a day plan. I once found a note that he wrote to himself that said, "Put on pants."

I call it a "Temple Grandin," because it makes me friendly and compassionate.

Nick isn't even a man. He's some kind of man-boy, man-child hybrid. The other day, I had to tell him not to pull a dog's tail.

Schmidt, you stole my toothpaste while I was using it. That's vindictive.

Winston: Schmidt, you can't move out! Who's gonna do my fades?!
Jess: Yeah, who's gonna do his fades?!

I'm having a party tonight and I can't have him lying on the couch, wiping his tears with deli meat.

My boyfriend doesn't believe in banks. It's early in the relationship. I'm still shaving above the knee. Know what I mean?

Oh my God. It is a hand...full of dollar bills y'all!

Nick: It's Schmidt we're talking about here. After we saw the movie "Titanic," he started the Billy Zane Fan Club.
Jess: What?!
Nick: Look it up. They're called Zane-iacs.

Jess: I have to show Nick...something in the bathroom.
Nick: It's tiles...I'm so bad at lying! It's for sex!

Nick: You know so many "Spaceballs" quotes.
Jess: They jammed the radar with literal jam!

Nick: I believe horses are from outer space--
Jess: I believe that, too!

New Girl Quotes

I'm gonna bake a cake so moist, girls are gonna be like, 'Ewww, why did you say moist? I hate that word?' and I'm gonna be like, 'Taste the cake!' And they're gonna be like, 'Damn, it's moist!'"

Coach

A lot of people never graduated high school! Einstein! Bill Gates! Anne Frank! I'm gonna take back that last one.

Schmidt