New Girl

Tuesdays 9:00 PM on FOX
New girl
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Jess: If we're all really honest with ourselves, isn't it all about the gonads? Am I right, ladies?
Ladies: No!

I am throwing Cece's surprise bachelorette party here tonight, and the only males invited are strippers, so oil up or get out, guys.

Why are you wearing a suit? Did you just apply for a loan or somethng?

Jess: I didn't really know your dad, except for that one hour when I committed fraud with him.
Nick: That's all there is to know.

Jess: This is where Nick Miller grew up.
Nick: Except for the fall of '88 and the spring of '89--that was our "van year."

When did you become a Bond villain who can't afford to not live with roommates?

Just remember, you caught him pleasuring himself to a mail-order steak catalog.

What happened to guys in this bar? Did they open a bus station next door?

I wish I knew what was going on in Nick's head. He's like a...grumpy mystery.

Ten years? You guys are like Bert and Ernie.

If somebody walked in here and saw us, they'd be like, "Look at these two totally normal roommates. I bet they never sucked face." But we did. You sucked my face.

Jess: Do you want to know what I'm wearing under this shirt?
Nick: Yeah, sure.
Jess: An invisible shirt.

Displaying quotes 49 - 60 of 115 in total

New Girl Quotes

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick

I'm gonna bake a cake so moist, girls are gonna be like, 'Ewww, why did you say moist? I hate that word?' and I'm gonna be like, 'Taste the cake!' And they're gonna be like, 'Damn, it's moist!'"

Coach