Jess: The only anti-depressant you need is in my pants!
Guy: It's really a medical issue.

So, would you like to freak?

You question my pajamas? You make me question our entire friendship!

Jess: If we're all really honest with ourselves, isn't it all about the gonads? Am I right, ladies?
Ladies: No!

I am throwing Cece's surprise bachelorette party here tonight, and the only males invited are strippers, so oil up or get out, guys.

Why are you wearing a suit? Did you just apply for a loan or somethng?

Jess: I didn't really know your dad, except for that one hour when I committed fraud with him.
Nick: That's all there is to know.

Jess: This is where Nick Miller grew up.
Nick: Except for the fall of '88 and the spring of '89--that was our "van year."

When did you become a Bond villain who can't afford to not live with roommates?

Just remember, you caught him pleasuring himself to a mail-order steak catalog.

What happened to guys in this bar? Did they open a bus station next door?

I wish I knew what was going on in Nick's head. He's like a...grumpy mystery.

New Girl Quotes

Schmidt: Are you in love with me? Because I'm in love with you, deeply. I assume that you would never because I messed this up so many times. You've made it very clear you only want to be friends with me and I value that friendship so much. So it I'm ruining it by doing any of this, please stop me.
Cece: Schmidt. I'm in love with you.

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick