What is the big deal? Let's just suck it up and French a little.

Nick: You never listen to pipe talk.
Jess: Pipe talk is boring.

Nick, I need you.

What are you, the doodle police?

There's more to A Father's Love than just semen! Ew!

I should have brought my stethoscope. I'm seeing a lot of split ends. The cut is all wrong for the shape of its face.

Jess: But I need like a backstory, like why am I mad at the can?
Angie: The can is your ex-boyfriend and he did not respect your space and thought that your arts and crafts section of your house was ridiculous.
Jess: What?!
Angie: Yeah, enough?

You're dating a stripper, I'm dating a tall handsome doctor. We're kinda living the dream.

I don't know the words!

Jess: You're too late. I'm in love. With Winston.
Winston: You know, it just got stuck up there so far, so quickly.

He's talking to a woman with a sexuality I won't jump to conclusions about.

Winston: The phone?
Jess: I don't know...looks like a meth-head sandwich to me!

New Girl Quotes

Prince is terrible at Frisbee.


I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.