Everything I have I owe to this job...this stupid, wonderful, boring, amazing job.

Dwight: If you're ever in the area, you'll always have a place to stay...in my barn.
Jim: There it is.

Jim: I think it's time for you to bury the hatchet.
Dwight: Waste of a good hatchet.

Not enough for me? You are everything.

Dwight: You're a good assistant Jim.
Jim: Not as good as you.
Dwight: That's very true. Get the hell out of here.

Dwight: We're third cousins, which is great for bloodlines and isn't technically incest.
Jim: Right in the sweet spot.

By two o'clock Dwight will choose himself to be the assistant to his own assistant, me.

Jim: That's my favorite part of Christmas, the authority.
Pam: And the fear.

Dwight: Is there a belt above black?
Jim: You should ask him. It's a color you would never expect.

Dwight: Jim, tell him wear he can stick his grapes.
Jim: In the fridge!

Jim: The raise isn't real.
Dwight: Money isn't real ever since we got off the gold standard.

Jim: Can't you do something about this?
Robert: Sometimes the flowers arrange themselves, Jim.

The Office Quotes

Pam: So I closed the door but the image of his...
Jim: Baquette.
Pam: ... dangling participle...
Jim: Eww.
Pam: ... still burned in my eyes.
Jim: I can imagine.

Mike gave me a list of his top ten Springsteen songs. Three of them were Huey Lewis and the News. One was Tracy Chapman, Fast Car. And my personal favorite, Short People.

Darryl