Michael: Tube city. You owe me one.
Jim: [interview] Co-managing is a give and take. You have to pick your battles. One of the battles I picked was Michael's idea of running plastic tubes all over the office with hamsters inside of them. He called it Tube City. So, yes, I do owe him one.

Jim: You can't yell out "I need this, I need this" as you pin down an employee on your lap.
Michael: Okay. You know what Jim, there are two Santas in the room. Things get ruthless!
Jim: Yup.
Michael: Do you understand you forced my hand.

Michael: Did you pee on a stick?
Jim: I did. It was inconclusive.

Dwight: Who is Justice Beaver?
Jim: It's... a crime-fighting beaver.

Jim: Um, is it me or does it smell like updog in here?
Michael: What's updog?
Jim: Nothing much, what's up with you?

Everything I have I owe to this job...this stupid, wonderful, boring, amazing job.

Jim: Can't you do something about this?
Robert: Sometimes the flowers arrange themselves, Jim.

Toby: Hey Jim!
Jim: Not now Toby! My God!
Michael: Get the hell out of here, idiot.
Toby: [walking away] What did I do?

One day Michael came in complaining about a speed bump on the highway. I wonder who he ran over then.

You've been shown a nonsensical video. You're probably wondering what's going on. Well, you're not alone.

Jim: Stop shoving me.
Dwight: Aww, stop shoving me. Stop grabbing my penis. Grow up.

This is parkour. Internet sensation of 2004. And it was in one of the Bond films. It's pretty impressive. The goal is to get from point A to point B as creatively as possible so technically they are doing parkour, as long as point A is delusion and point B is the hospital.

The Office Quotes

Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me... No, don't sue me. That is the opposite of the point that I'm trying to make.


Sometimes I'll start a sentence, and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way. Like an improv conversation. An improversation.